Mailed to Order
by Who really Knows
Summary: Sasuke finds himself in a pinch when gay-related rumors start ruining his business. Desperate, he calls his brother for help and is a little more than unhappy when he finds himself engaged. He never imagined being married! Then again, his new wife "Naruko" never imagined himself prancing around in high-heels either. Cross-dressing, SasuNaru, and lots of my usual crazy XD
1. Chapter 1

** Chapter One: The Order**

"Itachi!"

"Wait, let me guess why you're calling." Sasuke seethed on the mobile device pressed to his ear, hoping some of the heated perspiration from his cheek would somehow drip through the phone and burn his brother with acid, ''You're calling about the rumors flying around, because of two reasons. One you think I'm somehow magically responsible for the rumors, and two you want me to fix it."

"What do you mean I think it's your fault, I know its your fault!" Sasuke yelled, swatting his desk, sending papers flying off in random directions, "Only you would come up with ridiculous rumors like that just to give me hell!"

"Woah, wait. I admit in the past I've been known to muck-up your business but I certainly didn't start a gay rumor. If it's anyone's fault its yours, that rumor probably just sprang up because a young man has no interest in women whatsoever." Itachi reprimanded his brother, setting his feet on top of his coffee table while he leaned into the soft plush cushions of his favorite couch.

"What do you mean?" mumbled his brother, a hand running through his disheveled hair, "Its not my fault I'm Gynophobic, I have therapy okay, I'm working on it."

"Alright, calm down." Itachi's voice soothed, "I'll take care of everything for you."

"What?!" Sasuke questioned the phone, "You can do that?"

"You doubt me?" the absence of an answer from his brother told him that, no Sasuke did not doubt him for a second, "Just meet me in a few days, I'll have the solution then okay."

Sasuke took a moment to think about it, but the buzzing phone on his desk was pleading with him to just hurry with the answer and take care of business. "Alright, take care of it. That's an order."

Itachi looked at his phone with an amused smirk.

Did he just say order?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: The Delivery**

This is shit.

That's what Naruto thought when he found himself staring down the barrel of a gun. Lately his life had been shit, no wait, it was more like shit was his life story.

But lately everything was just worse than usual. His job, taken. His place, evicted. His cellphone, destroyed. His car, stolen. Oh and his money? Gone. Why? Because his jackass ex-uncle "borrowed" the money for gambling and hookers, somehow managing to tangle him with some loan sharks in the process, looking for a bite of fresh green.

Too bad they bit right into a pile of shit.

And they were mad about it to, mad enough to chase his ass out of the city and abduct him coming outside of a gas station bathroom. He knew the stench was an omen!

"I don't have any money for you." He told the gun, a chuckle followed his comment, low and amused.

"I know that Naruto, I'm here to work out something with you." Naruto rose an eyebrow, this wasn't the voice he was familiar with dealing with. He lifted his gaze from the pointed gun and found himself face to face with a handsome man. This was the boss, there was no doubt about it. Everything about him told you he was in control. "I want you to do me a favor."

"A favor?" Naruto cringed, "No thanks I don't roll that way."

"Have you always had such an annoying high pitched voice?" The man inquired, resting the pointed gun in his knee as he sighed against his couch, Naruto now noticed a phone sitting on the glass table just inches from the man's feet and a half full glass of juice on the other side.

"What kind of question is that?!" Naruto glared, the man stared back blankly and for a moment the two just sat there staring at each other.

Before the man bursted with laughter.

"I don't want you to sell your body, well at least not really." The man sat up, his feet now resting on the floor as he held out a hand toward Naruto, "Hello my name is Itachi and I want you to be my brother and law...kind of."

"Kind of...?" despite his initial urge to swat the hand away and tell Itachi to fuck off, for once he took the hint from the big guns standing at the door that ideas like that weren't about to save him. Unfortunately, he had to deal. No matter what that meant...in the end he doubted he'd have little choice.

"I want you to pretend to be a woman and marry my brother, just for a year and then after that you're debts will be payed off." Itachi explained, standing. Naruto watched him pick up his glass and walk toward a mini fridge nearby, where he flipped over another glass to pour them both drinks.

"Why not get him a real girl or something?" Naruto asked, cursing his mouth. This was not the time to be asking questions!

"I'm afraid that for my brother, that's just not possible." Itachi answered, handing Naruto the glass of juice he poured, Naruto just stared at the glass in his hands before grudgingly taking a sip. To his surprise, it was sweet as hell.

Okay, the blonde reasoned, so this brother must be ugly or maybe crazy? Like the kind of people locked in cellars and shit. "What if he, you know, tries anything?"

Itachi laughed, setting his juice on the table again, the bottom fit the ring there perfectly. "No that won't happen."

Okay, so ugly,crazy and impotent? That sounded too good to be true. "And I would have to dress up as a girl, and act as a girl all the time?"

"No." Itachi shook his head, "At first you'll be staying in an apartment paid for by me, and then eventually you'll move in with my brother, but even then I doubt you'll see him for more than a few hours at a time during the week. When he's not there it will just be you. Besides his house is big, and you'll definitely have your own room."

"And you're sure about that?" Naruto asked, taking another sip of his juice.

"Well its either that or we wait for the drug I just gave you to take effect and you wake up in a sex slave trade." Itachi sighed, tapping the side of his glass still standing erect on the table surface, "But you know, it's your choice Naruto, no pressure."

And then the asshole smiled at him.

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**REview and let me kno what u think :P**


	3. Chapter 3

**I got a lot of reviews, so you have been rewarded with a long chapter :D XD**

**Chapter 3: The Bride**

When Naruto did eventually wake up, after the drugs were coming out of his system, he realized that his surroundings had drastically changed. For one thing, everything was bright at hell, sunlight streamed in through large windows like waves,flooding the room and illuminating every surface. The view was the ocean of all things, bright and energetic against the sandy beach. People covered the grains, playing and laughing. Mocking him with their freedom.

And then there was the furniture. The bed was at least a queen size with silk sheets and plump soft pillows. Everything was a dark wood color, including the floor, and the walls were a light brown with decorations Naruto wouldn't know how to describe to anyone as anything other than "expensive ass art" that is if he ever got to see anyone again.

Oh, and there was the food, calling to him from the dresser looking appetizing and unhealthy. Two things Naruto highly valued.

Life is looking up.

Yep, that's right, Naruto was an optimist. After the horrible proposition was made by his new "brother-in-law" he just decided to fuck it all and look at the bright side. He had a place, a car, a tracking device buried in his skin, and a band of lovely security guards just visible under the crack of the bedroom door.

Okay, so things weren't that awesome.

Itachi, for obvious reasons, didn't trust him. Though Naruto was assured before he passed out that security would lighten once the wedding date was closer. But hey, free food! Everyone loves free food, and now we're back on the optimist track!

Just as Naruto was reaching his hand into a bowl of crisp looking potato chips, the bedroom door swung open and revealed a well-rested looking Itachi followed by his guards. Naruto just made himself comfortable on the bed and listened, he was feeling too tired to talk anyway. "I have some people coming in to help you with feminizing. Today, you'll be meeting my brother, one word out of your mouth and I will reach over the couch and make it so that you never speak again, are we clear?"

Itachi said it like he was teaching Naruto how to ride a bike, or helping him with...groceries? But there was a still slight undertone he could hear, and it was a nervous one. Why would he be nervous? Naruto silently nodded his head and Itachi nodded to the two guards, "I'm leaving now, the others will take care of you."

And with that he left the room in a brisk walk, supposedly to go take care of something. His shadow wasn't even out of sight before two girls jogged their way into the room. "Hello." nodded a woman with purple hair, or was it blue, he couldn't tell. She sat a big box on the nightstand beside him and clicked it open, revealing lots of makeup like things Naruto didn't recognize. The second chick who walked in was standing toward the back with her arms crossed, she was blonde with a long pony-tail and sweeping bangs. "My name is Konan."

"Hm?" Naruto blinked at the blue-purple haired girl, "Oh, Naruto."

"That won't do." Konan said, gripping his face and turning his head from side to side, "What do you think Deidara?"

The second girl walked over to him and leaned in closer to his face with an examining eye, "I think he's girly enough."

Naruto's mouth shot open, its a guy?! Apparently Itachi wanted to make sure was in good hands if he got someone who looked like that. Naruto was really starting to feel an anxious burn. How was he supposed to pull this off? What will happen if he screws up? Where will he go then? What about the money? Could he really be a girl?

"I need you to stop breathing so hard please." Commented the stoic Konan releasing his face, she looked around the room and sighed, "Alright get up and sit on the stool in front of that mirror over there."

Naruto had barely noticed the stool sitting across the room in front of the mirror earlier, it was shoved towards a back corner past the vision of the food, which probably explains why he didn't notice it. The stool was hard, and incredibly uncomfortable, but both of the people Itachi sent in seemed to ignore this as they continued examining his face.

"I don't even understand why_ I _got stuck doing this with you." The one called Deidara complained as he started rubbing Naruto's hand with some sort of lotion. "I'm an artist, not a woman."

"Orders are orders." was Konan's reply as she pulled back Naruto's hair with clips and turned to examine the makeup kit she brought with her.

"Orders are orders." Deidara mocked under his breath, switching to Naruto's other hand with a rough grip, "I'm too damn old for this, I should be retired by now."

"Retired?" Konan repeated as she started to rub his face with some sort of cream, Naruto was starting to wonder if this woman had any facial expressions, "So no more _"art"_?"

"I said retired, not dead." Deidara rolled his eyes, dropping Naruto's hands to wipe his own with a cloth attached to his black jeans. He started examining Naruto's nails at that point, frowning at the cracks and chips from the hard life of food service that used to be a part of his life. "Oh God, what the hell am I supposed to do with this!"

Konan said nothing as she grabbed a brush and more make-up stuff and started applying things to his face and neck. Naruto tried peeking in the mirror, but he was caught and Konan instantly held his head firmly in place. He could feel Deidara doing random things to his nails, it was strange. One moment it hurt, and the next he was getting a soothing feeling. Naruto didn't know what to make of it.

It wasn't until Konan pulled out a black pencil that more conversation happened, "Woah what are you doing?!" interrupted Deidara, "Use a different color, like a dark green or something."

"Are you sure?" asked Konan, staring back down into the magical makeup box.

"Who is the artist here?" Deidara shrugged, grumbling as he continued to paint Naruto's nails, "Amateurs."

Konan said nothing and changed the liners, nearly freaking Naruto out when she eased into his eye and poked him in the side of his nose. "What the hell!" She immediately jumped into action and started lightly rubbing his face with a nearby cloth thing. Naruto pouted in his seat while she seemed to frown at him from her position. Naruto glared, "Forget it."

"Either you do it willingly, or I strap you down." Konan replied, Naruto could hear Deidara snickering below him as he finished up the last nail on his hands. He sighed, people were full of threats around this place and the worst thing about it was, they weren't empty. Slowly he shut his eyes and grimaced as she put the "liner" on his top eyelid.

"Oh fucking hell." grumbled Deidara, he had moved to the floor now and was examining Naruto's feet with a more displeased look then when he came in, "Have you seen his feet? Itachi owes me."

Konan sighed a little into her assortment of colored powders, "I'm almost done with the makeup. Then I have to find a wig, and do the waxing."

"Waxing?" Naruto groaned, it wasn't like he wasn't expecting having to shave or something, but waxing? That had to be the worst thing ever.

"Yes." replied Konan with a blink as she started to put stuff on his eyes, "Then we have to find clothes for you before you meet Itachi's little brother?"

"Kill me now." groaned Naruto, rolling his head back and earning a firm pull from Konan.

"I could do it, how much are you willing to give me?" commented Deidara from below, it seemed he was already done with the feet and did a rush job on them both. Naruto actually managed to laugh despite how serious the other man seemed, and things moved on accordingly.

Waxing was hell, as expected, in the end he was just red and sore all over. Then they slapped some wig on his head that required a lot of sitting and pinching and arguing over shades and colors and he was going to be sick. He was more than happy when the whole affair was over and he was able to move on to clothes.

Well, except for one thing.

"Boobs, we need them." Deidara commented to a nearby guard as he was shuffling through the closet beside Konan. They all instantly went to work, searching the room for a specially made bra of some sort.

"Found them!" Deidara explained, pulling out a bright blue box. He opened the lid and held out a bra to Naruto suggestively, the blonde blushed.

"Uhh...I don't know how to..." he stuttered gesturing to the bra and then making a clasping motion with his hands, Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Are you kidding me?" He growled shoving the thing on Naruto's shoulders before walking around him, "We don't have time right now, I'll teach you later. Virgin."

Naruto blushed hard at the remark, so what he was a virgin, sue him!

After the bra was fastened, Konan shoved two things into the bra and shuffled them. He now had boobs...how weird was that? "Kill me now." he muttered, staring at his chest.

"Keep saying it and it'll happen." glared Deidara, shoving underwear toward him, "Go change in the bathroom, and be sure your dick stays out of sight when you put on the dress waiting for you."

Naruto stood up from the table they moved him to when they started working on the waxing process and waddled over to his amazing looking bathroom. Everything about the house was open and bright, with the same big ass windows and the same furniture types littered around. It was a small, yet spacious, abode and probably the only perk out of the whole mess.

Once in the bathroom, Naruto had a hard time actually getting everything to stay, there was padding with the underwear that he assumed was supposed to give him a butt. He had to admit, it slightly offended him, he prided himself on a great ass. It was like the only thing he had going for him. Height? Nope. Charm? Nope. Great ass? Definitely. He dared himself not to look in the mirror until he at least managed to pull on the dress, he wanted to see how he looked at the very end.

And when he did look, he realized he looked freaking awesome.

The added ass gave his body a more curvy look in the blue dress they gave him, he noticed with a pout that they gave him smaller boobs then he thought originally and kept it at a big C cup. But oh well, they weren't real anyway! They put long blond curls in his hair that flipped back and forth in a lovely bounce every time he dared move his head, and for a minute he got distracted moving the locks back and forth. The makeup was really good for being such a pain in the ass, everything on his body looked smooth and hairless of course, he mentally commented bitterly, and overall he looked great. At least higher than a 7, hell if he isn't a 10 then birds don't fly!

And he was pretty damn proud of that fact at that moment.

When he did emerge from the bathroom, ego swelled from mirror gazing, he found Deidara and Konan standing in the living room surrounded by open shoe boxes. "Where the hell are they?!" Deidara growled, opening box after box in a stack, "I could have sworn I saw them earlier."

"Check the bathroom." Konan ordered, Naruto blinked for a second before realizing that she was talking to him and immediately turned around to check out the bathroom. Sure enough sitting on top of the toilet was a light brown box, he grabbed it and walked back out into the living room where Konan swiped it away. "These are flats for now, but later you will have to wear heels so I suggest you practice walking in them sometime."

"And your new name is Naruko." Deidara explained, shoving him lightly to sit on the couch while he rushed to put the shoes on his feet.

"We kept it simple because we have been informed you are an idiot." Konan commented as she sat on an armchair nearby.

"What do you mean informed? We can just tell." Deidara grumbled, shoving on the second shoe before releasing a gigantic sigh and clapping his hands together, "I want to blow something up now. That was just too much stress for one day."

"Well at least wait until you get out of the building." replied Konan as she started gathering the shoe boxes together, nearby guards raced over to carry them back into the bedroom. There was a knock on the door.

Deidara looked around from his seat and groaned when no one else moved before shuffling toward the door and swinging it open, "You so owe me."

"Hello Deidara." answered a distinguished smooth voice, Itachi here to pick him up. Sure enough the man strided in, his eyes instantly fastening on Naruto with a hard stare.

"You better like it." grumbled Deidara crossing his arms, "It took all damn day, I had to cancel my other job."

"I'll compensate you." Itachi answered, turning toward Deidara with what Naruto was sure was a smirk, "You did a really good job, I'll take him from here."

And with that, they were off.

* * *

Naruto wasn't really sure how he ended up where he did, the windows of the car were really dark and the music was so loud he could barely hear his own thoughts let alone his surroundings. It was good to know that he'd be screwed even if he did escape.

"We're here." Itachi said suddenly, catching the blonde's attention as the door swung open and a man in a suit smiled in on them before holding the door open. Naruto got out carefully, trying not to blow it too early in the game. Luckily no one seemed to notice his dude-like qualities and he was able to follow Itachi through what he guessed was a back entrance to whatever tall building this was. He tried to keep up as they rushed down a series of halls and stairs, ending at a large oak door with big fancy fixtures as if explaining "Hey, someone big and important is in here!" clearly this guy was showy. Great, that was something to look forward to.

Itachi knocked on the door twice, receiving a grumpy reply of "Come in."

Itachi looked at me once, whispering "Don't talk" before swinging the door open and strutting inside. "I've brought someone with me today that can help with our troubles."

Naruto stepped in behind him, looking up from the view of his freshly trimmed feet to take in his Husband-to-be. That dark hair, pale skin, cold unfearing judgmental eyes fixed in a constant glare swarmed him instantly.

The world has to be shitting him, his new husband-to-be is Sasuke Fucking-Uchiha.

Well that's just fucking perfect.

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**Working on Ch 4 right away! It will be a bit of a flashback one, which is something I don't remember doing before? But it's looking pretty good so I hope it will please you guys :D PLz review and let me know what you think**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: The Contract**

"Watch where you're going." growled a voice from above him.

Naruto was in the middle of a shit-tastic day.

Right at the beginning of the day he woke up an hour late for school, and then his freaking uncle was passed out on the couch with lipstick smeared on his cheek, unable to drive him because he'd been out all night and came home reeking of alcohol, which meant that he had to walk to school. Well that wasn't so fucking fantastic either, the second he got on his way, merrily rocking out on his brand freaking new ipod, a car, if you can believe this, a car sped down the road, actually purposely swerving into the path of an oncoming puddle and splattering Naruto all over with dirty rain water from the night before. His jeans soaked through, all the way to his brand new ipod, effectively killing the damn device and then on top of that all his homework was totally ruined. It wasn't his fault he couldn't fit it into his backpack! Kiba just had to freaking insist on him bringing their shared card collection today of all days, and that bitch was heavy, so he moved it to the backpack in hopes it would make his trip easier. And then when he does get to school, he gets the glare down from the freaking office people for tracking wet footprints on school property and get's sent to class with another tardy slip for the month! When he does get to class, Kiba gets pissed cause he was late, and then Naruto doesn't even know what the hell but all of a sudden his backpack isn't even his property anymore and Kiba just takes the whole damn thing like it's nothing. Kids snicker at him, snapping pictures with their damn little contraptions, laughing and having a merry old time while the teacher is busy yelling at him for not paying attention and the glare from Kiba's glare is drilling a hole in his skull the whole fucking time, like it matters. So then after that, things chilled out for a little bit, until lunch comes around. Naruto goes on a hunt for Kiba, hoping to make amends only to walk in on a deal taking place to sell the card collection they built together, and then Kiba wants to get all in his face talking about not being friends with him anymore, and then he just fucking snapped.

And punched the ass right in the face.

So that got him detention after school, and now here he is, just minding his own fucking business walking down the fucking hallway when fucking ass who doesn't have any fucking manners runs into him! And then blames him!

It's just ridiculous.

Naruto glared up at the other boy, recognizing the glare that greeted him anywhere. This was Sasuke Uchiha, president of the grade and top asshole in his class. They shared three class together; biology, speech, and whatever language class he got stuck in, to Naruto it was all the same anyway.

All he did know was that Sasuke was infuriating, he seemed to have everything and the worse thing about it was, he didn't care! He didn't care about anything other than who was in his way and where he was going next. Naruto glared up at this offending person and scuffed, "Watch where I'm going? You're the one who ran into me."

"Hn." Sasuke voiced, examining Naruto's crazed hair, messed up clothes, and the stack of messed up papers in his hands. "You came around the corner on the right side of the hallway, school regulation says you walk on the left when you're going the direction you were and people like me, walk on the right. If you weren't walking on the right, and instead you were on the left like you were supposed to be, then this wouldn't have happened."

"You've gotta be kidding me." Naruto voiced, laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, no one actually followed that rule! And it's not like he was just coming around the corner he was already walking down the hall minding his own business. He closed in, glaring into Sasuke's face with an adamant stare, "I'm not in the mood for this asshole."

Sasuke glared back at him, his eyes fully taking in Naruto's full state of dress and overall look, "And who are you? Someone important?"

Naruto froze in a moment of angered shock as the raven haired male brushed past him with a smug look, he turned, face burning, "Don't look down on me!"

But by then Sasuke was already gone.

From then on Naruto made it his personal agenda to screw up Sasuke's life in anyway possible, and at the end of the day all he got out of it was detentions, humiliation, and one good friend who was scary as hell named Gaara. On their graduation day at the end of their High School careers, Naruto had to go after Sasuke because their last names always put the two together for school functions. What happened? Due to Naruto's short stature, he was forced to wear a gown oversized and as he was passing by the asshole stepped on his gown on purpose and caused him to trip right off the stage and into a mass sea of humiliating laughter on camera.

When Naruto looked up from the floor, Sasuke gave him a little wave and the loving view of a single bird sign in the air. It was the best damn fuck you Naruto had ever received.

Well other than this one, which was from life itself.

Sasuke Uchiha sat poised behind his desk, glaring at between the unfamiliar blonde woman and his own brother. "What is this?"

"The solution to your problem." Itachi sighed, shoving Naruto out of the doorway and toward an armchair near the bookcase, "She's a mail order bride from...well I don't really know where, but we're working on her english. Her name's Naruko, I thought you might like a nice japanese name, she's mixed."

Naruto tried to pretend he didn't understand a word they were saying, it sounded like Itachi had this only half planned out but considering his line of business Naruto's background was not priority number one. "A mail order bride?"

"That's right." Naruto watched as Itachi took a seat in front of his brother's desk, resting his feet on the wooden surface in front of him, no matter how you looked at it he was always the one in control of the room, "You'll announce an engagement, tell everyone that you'd been dating secretly this whole time to avoid drama in the workplace, get married for a few years and be done with it."

"No." Sasuke replied, glaring as he shoved his older brother's feet of his desk.

"Really, then what's your plan?" Itachi watched his brother bite down a few questionable words as he seemingly searched through his thoughts for another idea, "You know Sasuke, if you can't handle _it _then that's okay, just admit your weakness."

Naruto questioned exactly what_ it_ meant? "What do you mean?" Sasuke asked for him, still glaring at his older brother.

"You know what I mean." Itachi shrugged, gesturing to Naruto who remembered at that moment he was supposed to be looking unaware of things, so the second Sasuke looked at him Naruto gave him the brightest ladyish smile he could muster and a small wave. He wasn't even surprised when Sasuke grimaced and glanced away. "It's okay, not everyone can face their fears."

That seemed to piss Sasuke off more then anything, "Alright, fine, but if this backfires its your ass. I'm assuming you have contracts ready?"

"Of course." Itachi replied, standing up, "I have to revise them now but you can sign them at your apartment later."

"Hn." Sasuke replied, turning back to his work.

The blonde was overwhelmed with a bad feeling the second he caught sight of an emerging smirk on Itachi's face, "See you later, be sure not to forget Naruko."

And then he just left Naruto behind.

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**Fun Fact: This fic is based off a high school fanfic I wrote awhile ago and never published.**

**Next chapter might be Sasuke POV more but I'll have to see when i write it out.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: The Meetings**

Naruto sat in his given seat, doing his best to smile and look absent minded, which wasn't hard. The only thing that was hard was trying not to crack up from the look on Sasuke's face. He was staring at Naruto with his mouth slightly opened, trying to figure out what to do since by now, Itachi was gone. Finally he seemed to decide something and picked up the phone on his desk, dialing a number on speed dial. "Where are you?"

Was he talking to Itachi? Naruto stood up from his chair, amused as Sasuke seemed alarmed at his action and scooted closer toward the wall behind his chair. He examined the books resting on the bookcase shelves, all of it was stuff he didn't recognize but it looked just as untouched as it would sitting in his apartment.

Or cardboard box at this point.

He wondered what it would be like to be married to Sasuke, it probably be really annoying the litte ass hole isn't just any kind of ass, he's a tight ass. The kind that are spend their time over small details, getting worked up by imperfections and sit around talking about how good they are to other tight asses.

Well that's at least how Naruto thought of it.

"I don't care just come in here now!" Sasuke tossed the phone back on his desk, he glared up at Naruto who turned away and pretended to be interested in a very dry painting of the sea hanging on the wall. He noticed some dude was in a boat floating around in the waves and wondered why anyone would be stupid enough to be in the middle of the ocean with such a small boat. Then he remembered he didn't really have a thing for art and it probably was a metaphor for something really long and complicated and boring.

Now bored, Naruto decided to turn his attention back on Sasuke. Was the guy ever going to stop staring? Did Naruto really look that appealing in female form? Well, at least to Sasuke was he that attractive?

Wait a second.

Naruto looked at the door, a smile tugging at his lips, he couldn't believe he didn't realize it sooner! This was the perfect time to escape, Sasuke has no idea what the hell is going on, no one in the office recognizes him, and Itachi's gone. What part of that doesn't scream great escape?

Pleased with his new idea, Naruto motioned for the door with a polite smile and did his best attempt as a girly voice as he pointed at himself. "Go?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him and then slowly nodded, Naruto thought that was weird. Why wasn't he talking to him? The ass probably thinks he's not worth the effort of forming words.

"Bye." Naruto gave him a small wave, edging for the door, relief washed over him as he got it open and stepped out into the hall. He was free! He could leave! Oh it felt awesome.

"Excuse me." Oh God, not now. Someone had tapped on his shoulder when he'd only take just a few steps away from the damn door, Naruto peered behind him slowly to view a white haired man looking positively frightening in a mask that covered most of his face, gloves, and a wicked look in his eyes, "You wouldn't happen to be attempting an escape would you mister..." The man looked down at a piece of paper in his hand, " Naruto Uzumaki."

He laughed nervously, shaking his head, this was it, he was dead. "What, no? I just, had to go to the bathroom!"

"Uh-huh." The man didn't say anything more as he gripped Naruto's arm and dragged him back into the office. "I'm here."

Sasuke seemed to question the man's grip on Naruto's arm as he answered, "That's great Kakashi, but I don't remember telling you to hunt her down, I think I said to take her away?"

"I just wanted you to know I'm taking care of it, and you didn't tell me anything you bargained." The man, Kakashi retorted, Naruto decided he liked the creep anyway, just because he seemed to have a talent for pissing off Sasuke.

Naruto was shoved and dragged down the hallway, people seemed to take no notice of this as they walked by invested in their tiny little conversations and feasts of caffeine. What business was Sasuke in exactly? He was shoved in a chair in a large space, two women were sitting at desk answering phone class, smiling and looking pretty. Kakashi waited for a few minutes before addressing them, "I need you two to make sure she doesn't leave and stays in that spot at all times."

"Alright." The pink haired lady sitting in the desk closest to him smiled, waving as Kakashi stormed off to take care of something supposedly. It wasn't until he was out of sight that the two girls abandoned their desks to take seats in the waiting chair on either side of him. "So what'd you do?"

Itachi told him not to talk, and now he was stuck in conversation? This was shit! Shit on crackers served up on fancy little plates with a side of mega shit sauce! Not knowing what else to do, he just shrugged and tried to look innocent.

"You weren't stalking Sasuke Uchiha were you?" The blonde on his left side suddenly said, crossing her arms with a glare and reminding him quite a lot of another blonde he met earlier.

"You wouldn't be the first, lots of girls try to sneak back there toward his office but they don't get anywhere with it." The pink girl said, still smiling.

"You would know all about that wouldn't you Sakura." The blonde haired girl commented, looking smug. Naruto watched, caught in between as Sakura crossed her arms and glared.

"What about you, Ino, miss drugged up snack basket." Ino gasped and Sakura's face burned with a triumphant grin, "That's right I know all about it, Kakashi told me everything."

"Bitch."

"Slut."

Okay, this was slightly amusing, Naruto had to admit that. The only thing he was worried about at this point was being caught in between their fighting.

"Wait." Sakura clapped her hands together, pointing to Naruto himself, "We forgot what we were doing."

"Right." Ino shook her head from side to side before re-crossing her arms and glaring at him, "What did you do?"

"Um..." Naruto tried to wing it, this voice was hard to keep up, "I was looking for a bathroom."

"Oh! And you wondered in that section of the hall didn't you?" Sakura smiled at him, he liked her she was the nicest person he met all day. "That happens to, most girls around here just stay away from that area on principle."

There was a pause between the three of them for a second as Sakura smiled at him, Ino glared at Sakura and Naruto shifted his eyes between the two.

"Those are cute shoes, and I like your dress. Do you work here?" Sakura asked, pointing at his clothes, Naruto shook his head and she frowned, "Were you interviewing for the new position?"

Naruto decided that, sure, he could be looking for a job and nodded.

"Oh that's so great! I hope you get it so I can talk to you more." Sakura smiled at him, again, looking really freaking bright.

"Don't fall for it." Ino mused, jabbing a finger at Sakura, "She's like cotton candy laced with poison, she gets you close and then she knocks you dead because your competition for Sasuke. At least I have the guts and the confidence to tell this to your face."

Sakura was busy glaring at her, but Naruto's full attention was captured as Ino leaned in with a glare of her own, "You've got no chance of stealing _my _man."

Well he was fucked then, since technically, he already did.

But wasn't that just the usual?

* * *

**Yo! .KYUUN told me to update really quickly, so I did XD Hope you guys like it, please review~!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: The Apartment**

"Close your legs!" for the hundredth time that day, Naruto doubled over and clutched in his knee while sitting down in a chair in the middle of his living room.

Womanhood was god awful.

Sure, he'd been enjoy the nice furniture, the good food, and the nice soft comfortable bed provided for him, but he wasn't sure if it was right to sell your body for comfort at this point. And Deidara's swift smacks with a long thin stick weren't helping that idea.

"I told Itachi this was a waste of time." Deidara growled, glaring at him.

Konan shook her head from beside him and simply said in her usual stoic fashion."Orders are orders."

"Orders are orders." Deidara mocked back, point the stick at her face, "I'm getting tired of that shit! How is this supposed to accomplish anything, this guy is obviously incapable of learning anything that isn't already there. He should at least have read something on women by now! Isn't that what virgin's do?"

"You mean the how to handle having a vigina guide every woman was born with?" Naruto shrugged in a bored tone and a glare, "Yeah, sorry I've never gotten to read it."

He got whacked even harder in the face by Konan.

After the chaos in the office, Naruto was saved by Deidara who took him back to this hell hole to learn womanly ways or something. And right now, in this hell moment when they're beating him with sticks, Sasuke and Itachi are going over some kind of contract he knows nothing about. "I should have gone to the contract signing."

"Don't be mumbling any bullshit." Deidara ordered with a point, "Your contract has already been signed, anything involving Sasuke is none of your damn business."

"I'm getting married to the guy!" Naruto roared, his fists balling in protest.

"So." Konan cut in this time, "Before we go I'm going to tell you one thing, Naruko, you are married to a man who you will never sleep with, talk to, or hardly ever see. He is none of your business, your only business with him is to sit, look pretty, and keep your mouth shut."

"Damn." Deidara eyed her, his head tilting to the side, "You're a cold bitch, how come we've never worked together on anything else before?"

Konan didn't answer him as she turned around and walked out of the apartment, leaving Deidara and Naruto alone in the room next to the tiny dining table in the corner of the kitchen. "Well." Deidara turned his attention back to Naruto, with a sigh, "See you tomorrow, princess. Try not to break anything and before you jerk off know that we have put camera's all over the place and anything you do will be instantly uploaded to a porn site for maximum profits. Maybe you should try that, might help your debt."

Then he left as well, leaving Naruto "alone" with two guards standing outside and one in a car below incase he decided to somehow make down from the seven story window.

The first thing he decided to do was explore the TV, it'd been months since he'd even seen a TV, or watched a show and now there was this nice beautiful picture in front of him begging for his undivided attention. The second it flipped on, the stereo sound system roared to life, and he happily sat in his seat and started talking to himself, he liked talking to himself, he'd done it for a long time. It made the space seem...filled. . "Oh man, this is going to be awesome!"

Awesome was not the word to describe it.

Naruto saw that, to his horror, every channel was some sort of R-rated porno fest. He hurriedly turned off the TV, feeling the slight scratch of paper itch his finger as he did so. "Huh?" turning the remote around he discovered a sticky note was attached to the back, the letters were slick and neat, Itachi. He read the note out loud with a glare, "Be a good boy, and you'll earn more channels. Until then, here's an alternative to paying your debt. Fuck that!"

Naruto tossed the remote to the other side of the couch and crossed his arms, books. He could read! Reading was fun sometimes, if he reads it out loud maybe. Naruto read the titles of the books, Science textbooks? A history of middle earth? Bird watching Guide?

Naruto decided that birds were better than nothing and went for it, it was surprisingly heavy, he opened to a random page and began to read out loud, "His other hand grabs my hair, tugging as his other hand yanks..." Naruto stopped reading, his eyes widening as they continued to take in the words forming on the page, he shut the bird book and threw it across the room where it landed against the wall with a loud bang. "Oh my god."

They wanted him to do something, well at least Itachi did, and he didn't like the idea of it at all.

"There is no way you're getting video of me jerking off!" Naruto yelled to the ceilings, looking around the room for camera's, "No way! I don't care how much of the debt it pays, I'm not doing it, so replace this shit soon!"

There has to be anything else to do, he crossed his arms and glared around the room before his eyes landed on the nice fridge peeking out from the kitchen. "Food." he drooled, gracefully flying toward the inviting fridge. His hands caressed the steel surface before he chuckled and opened the door.

Only to see a bunch of empty shelves and another sticky note, "Don't get fat, a female rule." Naruto read out loud, glaring, "That's total bullshit, I see fat chicks all the time." He slammed the door, crossing his arms with the same age old predicament of what to do playing on his mind.

And then he had a really out there idea.

What if, as crazy as it sounds, Itachi took these things from him because everyone said he was helpless to train in the ways of womanhood? What if, and this is all just speculation, Itachi was worried about him fucking up?

What if this is all actually very plausible for the twisted little fuck?

Yeah, that's what Naruto thought to, he smiled smugly to himself and rushed to the closet that contained the heels they had in their earlier, shoved a pair on and stumbled around the room for around thirty minutes of cursing and hollering before he finally passed out on the couch, heels still on.

Itachi smiled at the monitor, he had to give it to the kid, he really was trying.

Still, it was disappointing not to have that video.

* * *

**Chapter 7 coming soon.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: The Party**

It had been a full week before he saw Sasuke again.

Itachi suggested announcing their engagement as soon as possible and Sasuke, who handled it in the same way that he would any other business deal, handled it with grace and striking precision. He decided he would do something he's never done, throw a party.

And that seemed like a good idea to everyone but Naruto.

He didn't want to walk around in those heels for that long, just because he could walk around in them didn't mean he want to actively do so for hours on he'd have to go to Sasuke's house an hour early and walked around in it because he had to pretend to every party goer that he knew the place from head to toe because he's been there just so many times.

Along with all the women stuff, they'd also been working on some sort of accent for him, that came along better than anything else even if it took a couple of days and countless hours of reading porn books out loud to the walls. Which probably didn't help his growing hatred of the accent itself.

"Do I have to wear this pair?" Naruto grumbled down at his feet while Konan and Deidara fought a nice looking wig on his head. "The straps are killing me."

"Stop being a baby." Deidara ordered, whacking him on the head, "Woman up and don't fuck up, because then that's our head and yours on the chopping block."

"Okay." Naruto frowned, rubbing his head, "When's Itachi coming?"

"I'm already here." answered a voice, Naruto jumped and spun around, earning another whack from Konan, to see Itachi leaning against the wall with a smirk on his face, "I've been here for an hour."

"Wha-How?" Naruto gawked as Itachi walked around him, examining their work.

"He looks better than last time, make sure that wig stays on right and that nothing sticks out." Itachi then turned his attention on Naruto, smiling slightly, "Are you ready? This is the only way for you to pay your debts."

"Yeah." Naruto grumbled, looking away from Itachi, his feet squirmed in the heels. He really did hate these straps.

"He's ready." Deidara proclaimed, throwing his hands in the air, he then patted Naruto on the back, "Be good Virgin boy."

Naruto bit down his lip and didn't answer as Itachi helped him up and out of the room as quickly as possible, he would have been fine without these damn straps. "If you do well at this party, I'll give you more channels on the TV."

That was all Naruto needed.

* * *

Sasuke spent more than half of the party as far away from Naruto, or Naruko, as possible. It was incredibly frustrating, and the looks he was getting from Itachi who was surrounded by his own little band of giggling girls didn't help. Like it was somehow all his fault Sasuke was a sniveling little ass-hat who didn't want to marry him or anyone else.

When Naruto first arrived at the house an hour early Sasuke only reaction was to look him once over, huff, and wave him away to be escorted around the house by Itachi who spent most of his time reminding Naruto not to talk as much as possible.

That was great. He had just an awesome time.

This entire sham of a party was probably the most pathetic taste of sarcasm he'd ever had in his life. The whole thing wanted to make him vomit in his mouth.

"Oh hey! It's you!" Naruto turned around in his heels as best as he possibly could without stumbling only to see that pink girl Sakura running up to him in a dress and a little too much make-up, "It's nice to see you again, I was so nervous when I heard Sasuke was having a party, do I look alright? His house is really nice, I've never seen anything so nice before, such high...ceilings." She smiled up at the ceiling before smiling back at him expectantly like he was supposed to magically know how to respond. Did girls always talk so fast? He never remembered any of them talking that fast before?

Crap, he had to answer! With a fake smile of his own and a small nod that he hoped looked feminine, Naruto just answered with one word, "Yeah."

Her smile slightly disappeared as she continued to chatter on about stuff Naruto couldn't really follow like shoes, shops, and a variety of other things that seemed to start with S and the full intention of pissing him off. For a second he thought about what Ino warned him of and wondered if this was all some kind of female act that was supposed to throw him off and under a bus, but then he took another look at those green eyes and decided that she was just like any other chick.

Hard as fuck to understand.

But still pretty though, he wondered how Sasuke could reject her so much, which from the stories he was hearing now was apparently a lot. Knowing him he probably wanted someone just as top notch as he was, the kind of woman who would look at him as she walked through the door,look pretty, give him the once over, glare and mind her own damn business.

Oh wait, that was kind of the woman he was supposed to be right now wasn't it?

"Attention." The cool voice silenced the vast space of party goers all clustered and swarming together in the large expanse that was supposedly a cross between a living room and dinning room area instantly. Naruto hardly noticed someone guiding him amongst the crowd as it had suddenly dawned on him that this really was the most perfect opportunity to both fuck with Sasuke and get rid of all of his problems at the same time, and better yet he was going to be brilliant at it. He knew what Sasuke wanted from him, knew how to give it, and what made everything better was that he was about to enter what might be possibly the best chapter of his life he'd ever read so far.

For the first time ever, he gave the crowd a real smile.

Before it dawned on him he was looking at a crowd of people and he was standing next to Sasuke who looked just the same as ever about being present at his own party. "This is Naruko, my fiancee. I've kept our relationship secret because of...incidents, around the office, but now I'm getting married and we all know there aren't any secrets in a marriage."

It took Naruto a second to register that Sasuke even made a joke, his tone didn't even change it was like he was reading a dry christmas card or a boring fortune crowd slowly emerged with chuckles and claps, leaving Naruto's stomach to summer sult inside his body.

This was really happening.

And then a few minutes later the party was over and it was just him, Sasuke and Itachi standing in an empty house with empty food platters and empty glasses everywhere. "Well, Sasuke, that was the worst speech I've ever heard, and the most meaningless party, but it does the trick. I'll see you later."

Itachi was walking for the front door so Naruto started to follow, only to be halted by Itachi with a smirk, "You stay."

"What?" Sasuke cut in, effectively reminding Naruto, once again,to keep his mouth shut. "Why do you keep doing this, I don't want her here."

"Then take her home." Itachi replied opening the front door, "I texted the address to your phone."

"W-" The door slammed, leaving Sasuke and Naruto alone again for the second time. Naruto sighed, taking a seat on a nearby chair while Sasuke paced the room playing with his phone. When he finally did look up from the thing it was to send Naruto a dirty look, "Let's go, come on."

Naruto stood and followed him outside, watching as Sasuke rushed away from him to the other side of one of the cars. "Get in the back." Wow, he really was trying to be as far as possible from "Naruko", maybe he was worried about being molested by his future wife or something.

He climbed in back obediently.

This was going to be a long ride.

* * *

**I read the new Naruto chapter and nearly died of spazz attack you guys XD**

**REview~!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight: The Drive**

The seats were seriously comfortable.

He could live on these seats.

But maybe that was just the pain from walking around with strappy heels talking, "Okay." Naruto raised an eyebrow as he started watching Sasuke again, who had his face nearly pressed to the windshield and was looking around frantically. "I just need to drop her off."

He couldn't hold it anymore, he had to laugh. Naruto tried to hold back the rumbling fit of later and settled for something in between a giggle and a horn that had Sasuke glaring at him in seconds, "What are you laughing at?"

As Naruto dipped into silent laughter he pointed at Sasuke and shook his head, this was just great, that frown line on the guys forehead was enough to kill him. "What am I doing that's funny?" Naruto laughed harder, shaking his head, "I'm pulling over."

The car yanked to the side of the road, coming to a complete halt strong enough to knock the laughter right out of Naruto and leave a not so subtle glare behind. He was just laughing, what was wrong with that?

"Get out." Sasuke glared back, turning so that he was face to face with Naruto. It was the closest he'd gotten to him all day, and it was the first time he realized that Sasuke had girly eyelashes. That made him want to laugh again, but there was no way he was going to break up the glaring contest.

Sure getting out of the car would be a great time to escape, but it would be nothing if it meant submitting to Sasuke. He mustered the accent he'd been learning all week and spat it right out, "No."

"Listen-" Naruto didn't get a chance to "listen" as Sasuke tried pulling himself over the seat and ended up pulling a cup of coffee out of the cup holder, which drenched his clothing in nice neat brown stains, "Fuck!"

Now that surprised Naruto, he'd never known Sasuke to cuss ever. He always seemingly avoided it, or talked to little to ever say anything. But then again that was high school, things change right?

Ha, well sort of.

Naruto watched as Sasuke close his eyes, leaned back into his seat, and took a deep breath. It seemed like he was always watching Sasuke these days, but what can a guy do when he's the only source of entertainment. "I hate women."

Naruto raised an eyebrow, did that mean he was gay?

"I'm not gay!" Sasuke opened his eyes to glare at him in the rear-view mirror, "I just-hate women. I can't stand them. It's not like it's been a permanent thing, it's just fairly recent...what am I doing do you even speak this much english?"

Naruto chose not to say anything and sighed, what could he do now? He wasn't that great of a liar? Wait, what if he didn't have to lie, technically, and just jumped to something else? His uncle used to do the same thing to get out of tickets. "I love women."

"What?" Sasuke questioned from the mirror, Naruto shrugged and made curves in the air with his hands.

"I love women." he repeated again, shrugging, "No men."

Sasuke gaped at him from the front seat, eyes wide and everything, "So you're a lesbian?"

Naruto nodded, crossing his arms with a triumphant smile. This was awesome, he'd never seen this many expressions on Sasuke before, where had they been hiding all his life?

"I've never known any lesbians before." Sasuke raised his eyebrows to the parked car in front of them, "This is one hell of a marriage plan Itachi."

Itachi was really fucking them both over at this point, but Naruto wasn't going to say shit about that. He remembered what Deidara warned him of earlier, don't fuck up.

Naruto opened the car door, noticing with a brief glance around that Kakashi was parked just across the street, he was easy to spot considering he gave him a small wave and a look that said "don't even think about it." Naruto waved him off over the top of the car as he climbed into the passenger's seat, Sasuke shrunk away from him and stared questioningly. "What are you doing?"

"Coffee." Naruto shrugged, he was better at this accent then he thought, "Need help?"

"No thats fine." Sasuke shook his head, turning on the car, something on the end of his tie called out to Naruto, no way! "Let's just get you to that apartment."

"Bathroom!" Naruto shouted, halting Sasuke who was about to speed off on the road again, he turned, giving Naruto a full view of the pin in question. It was a tiny little green clover hanging from the end of his plain black tie. "Um, can't hold?"

"Fine." Sasuke groaned with a displeased look, Naruto only shook his head to clear the thought of Sasuke's clover wearing self. So what, it was a clover that meant nothing? Not a big deal. "I'll stop by the office on the way there, change into a new set of clothes and you can do what you need to."

It was Naruto's turn to gap, was Sasuke high? He's never been this nice.

Sasuke seemed to notice Naruto's look and frowned, "I bet Itachi's keeping you on lock down at my old apartment. Don't take it personally, but I don't want to be associated with a basket case. So you can come with me to the office real quick but anything other than that you have to talk to Itachi about."

Well wasn't he just a gentlemen?

* * *

**Flashback chapter next, I'm working on these really hard and on my book at the same time, so let me know if anythings off or spelled wrong and I'll try to get it taken care of right away. On another note, Orange is the New Black is a freaking awesome show. And uh..thats it!**

**Review~!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine: The Clover**

"It was stupid from the very beginning."

"No one asked you asshole."

It was the end of freshman year in highschool, after a science out door activity went wrong. Well, at least for Sasuke and Naruto.

"Clovers are a plant, they don't do anything." Sasuke argued with him, clearly resisting the urge to nurse his bruised lip. They were both seated inches apart on the bleachers, their teachers were talking in the distance, discussing the best way to handle the situation.

Naruto had found a four leafed clover amongst the grass just a few feet from Sasuke who was standing with his friends. According to Naruto, Sasuke stepped on the clover and kicked it out of its place on purpose. According to Sasuke, he just happened to be walking by with his friends, not paying any attention to the blonde, when the idiot jumped him for no good reason.

"They're lucky." Naruto pouted, nonchalantly rubbing the side of his head, "I need luck."

"For what?" Sasuke scoffed, glaring in the opposite direction with crossed arms, his foot tapped the grass with a growing enthusiasm to squash all life beneath it, "Life isn't about luck, it's about opportunity."

"Yeah that is something you would say." Naruto eyed him before pouting ahead of him, "But some of us need luck, even you."

"You're not some of us, Uzumaki." Sasuke growled, finally turning to face him again, "You're the percentage of the population that needs a miracle because you're too stupid to figure out life any other way."

And then Naruto punched him again, effectively ending the conversation.

That's why it was incredibly amusing to Naruto that Sasuke would even have a clover pinned to the end of his tie like that. It literally bothered him so much that he thought about it for hours, even after Sasuke escorted him all the way to his front door, and even after he took a beating from Deidara for gaining ten pounds, like it was his fault he was getting less exercise.

What would a guy like Sasuke be doing with a four leaf clover?

Ugh, he had to get out of these thoughts! "Itachi!" he yelled to the ceiling, unfazed when his front door opened and the man in question popped his head in, "Can I have something to do, I didn't fuck up."

"I already got the new channels for you, they'll pop up in a few days." Itachi answered, raising an eyebrow at the blonde who was suspended upside down with his feet over the side of the couch attempting some form of handstand.

"Please Itachi, I'm going crazy in here." Naruto pleaded, falling to the floor. "I promise, I've really thought about it and I've decided that no matter what I'm not going to run okay? So come on! Please~!"

Itachi sighed at the sight in front of him, Naruto looked ridiculous, and Naruto did say he was gaining weight lately. "Fine I guess I will allow you to play poker with the rest of us."

"Poker?" Naruto smiled, jumping to his feet, " Ah man, I haven't played that in forever!"

"Just do me a favor." Itachi said, looking at him up and down, "Get dressed first."

Naruto blushed and looked down, realizing that this whole time he'd only been in his socks. He covered himself immediately and giggled nervously, "Hehe sorry!"

"Its okay." Itachi shrugged, "I'll make a profit from it."

And then he left Naruto with the thought that a million perverts have probably been jerking off to him for the past hour.

Gross.

* * *

**Well that didn't take long O-o**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: The Table**

"So I heard your engagement was a success." Deidara commented, hovering over the scale Naruto was standing on with measuring tape draped over his shoulders. "I hate to say it, but I'm almost proud."

"Thanks." Naruto mumbled, taking a deep breath when he saw that he'd lost those ten pounds and then some. Probably because Itachi thought it was amusing to buy him exercise channels instead of whatever it was normal people were watching these days. "I learned a lot."

"I've met Sasuke before." Deidara shrugged, pulling the measuring tape off of his neck and whipping it around Naruto's chest area, it smacked him hard in the ribs and Naruto cursed Konan for being absent on his measuring day, "He's a disrespectful pain in the ass."

"Well at least you don't have to marry him." Naruto sighed, jumping when Deidara swatted him on top of the head and pointed a warning finger in his face.

"I did that for two reasons." Deidara explained in a slow tone of voice, wrapping the measuring tape around his wrist "Make sure you're not gaining muscle and just keeping yourself thin, because your looking just a little bit to buff, eat a cheeseburger, just one. And second of all, your lucky to be marrying at all virgin boy."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he complained, stepping off of the scale and falling back on his couch, which was currently a fort made out of pillows and blankets, "I could get married outside of a forced deal between me and a debt collector."

"Oh really?" Deidara laughed, shuffling a deck of cards in his hands, "To who?"

"I-!" Naruto sat up, going red in the face as he scrambled for words, "To, somebody..."

"Right, you coming to play cards with the rest of us or what?" Deidara shrugged, walking for the apartment door. Naruto popped up, double checking that he was still fully clothed before he followed the other blonde down the hall and into a nearby restricted area which was really more like a spacious closet area that could fit a table, chairs, and a setup of video surveillance. Two of his "bodyguards" were already seated at the table, he learned recently that their names were...crap, whatever he just called the blue pale one Shark Face and the other one was Creep, because he was pale and reminded him of Sasuke but had a smile like the kind of guy who spends his time collecting photos of you to stick in a scrapbook without you knowing it, then bamn! Before you know it the guy thinks you've been in love for four years and thats why it okay for him to break into your apartment and cut locks of hair of your scalp while you're sleeping, then copy them on your bedroom door with a heart shaped note.

Not that Naruto has had that happen before...

A few times last year, but that was the past.

"You look very different as a man." commented someone Naruto didn't notice at first, mostly because he was sitting in the darkest part of the room, across the table, and it took him a second of eye examining before it dawned on him who it was.

"Hey! You're the guy from the office!" Naruto declared with a pointed finger, the man raised an eyebrow.

"Its Kakashi, now get that thing out of my face before I break it off." the white, silver, whatever haired man warned, picking up his hand of cards. Deidara took a seat on his left, and leaned in with a smile.

"Hey Kakashi, long time no see. I know you hate being over here since you work for Sasuke, and not Itachi." he commented, picking up the cards to deal him and Naruto into the game. "But you've never been this grumpy."

"You're right about that." Kakashi answered, drawing a card from the stack Deidara left over, "He took something very precious to me and is holding it hostage so that I will do everything he says."

"Ha!" Naruto laughed, earning a glare from half the table as he obviously pointed behind him at the door, "Unless you're looking for a bunch of porno books, you're not going to find much here!"

Total silence engulfed the table as Kakashi went wide-eyed and stared at the blonde. Eventually, Naruto came down enough from his chuckling high to notice and looked around the table questioningly with a shrug, "What?"

The cards fell out of Kakashi's hand as he lunged across the table, gripping Naruto's shoulders with a surprising desperation the blonde wasn't expecting, "Where are they?"

"Wha-No way!" Naruto yelled, "You can't be serious, your precious thing is porn?!"

"Its not porn!" Kakashi declared, releasing the blonde to walk around the table, the two "bodyguards" went to stop him but Deidara halted them as Kakashi pleaded, "It's art! Not porn, art! And love!"

"For once, we're speaking the same language." Deidara nodded sympathetically to the halted room, "I know what its like to be criticized by closed minded people who don't understand the true meaning of arts complexity, we'll help you carry the books out!"

"Seriously?" Kakashi asked, doubt straining through his voice.

"Ha!" Deidara responded shaking his head, "Hell no, but I do have a empathy for your problem, so as far as we're concerned you're going to the bathroom right now instead of sneaking into the apartment to collect all the books on the bookshelf, and we're all to busy with our card game to notice. At the most, Itachi will be just a little ruffled by it."

"Should I say thanks?" Kakashi asked, this time with full on doubt playing in his voice.

"You know me, I don't do anything for thanks I always do it for favors." Deidara answered, crossing his arms as he sat back down at the table, "Now let's re-deal and play some cards."

Naruto sat down at the table in a daze, barely registering what was going on as he picked up cards for his hand. Before he knew it, he was laughing and shaking his head while everyone stared at him strangely, its okay, they just didn't get what he was.

That he could probably get used to this place.

* * *

**I finished a fanfic today, that means more time on this one! Sort of O-o**

**Also I just wanted to thank everyone for reviews, you guys have been really awesome XD and I really hope your going to enjoy what I have in store, because this story is a crazy ride. XD **

**REview~!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: The Lunch Date**

"Are you going to leave any time soon?" Naruto questioned Kakashi who made himself comfortable on the floor beside the bookcase and was flipping through every page of every book in a state of total euphoria.

Naruto was all game for company, but this was ridiculous.

"Some of the covers are missing." Kakashi explained, closing the book in his hands with a loud thump, "I suppose Itachi has those."

"Well yeah, where else would they be?" Naruto grumbled into another sit up while some guy on the TV continued to rap along with an ab workout. He liked the show usually, but Kakashi was making him feel awkward. "Are you going to leave or what? It's almost midnight."

"If you want to have a good figure, I suggest not working on your abs so much." Kakashi replied, watching Naruto who was reminded about Deidara's orders to have a cheeseburger. He immediately halted his sit-ups with a sigh. "Try working on your ass some, see if there's anything you can do for that."

"Hey!" Naruto roared, poking himself in the chest, "I happen to have a great ass."

"He does I've seen it." Naruto jumped, nearly falling against the coffee table next to him. He gazed up at Itachi who was standing over him with his hands in his pockets, eyeing Kakashi suspiciously. "What are you doing in here?"

"Getting my books back." Kakashi replied nonchalantly clutching one said book to his chest, "It gets boring without them."

"So get a dog." Naruto glared, crossing his arms.

"Does that mean you want the books to stay, Naruto?" Itachi smirked at him, amused as Naruto's face burned into a beet red and he stammered with words. "I'll take that as a no, now, Kakashi you can take your books but the DVD collection, which is not in this room, stays with me. You can get them tomorrow, when you escort Naruto to a lunch meeting with Sasuke, Konan and Deidara have other things to take care of."

"A lunch meeting?" Kakashi questioned. Naruto looked between them, trying to figure out what the significance of that was exactly, he was just glad he was getting out.

The smirk that was there disappeared into a hardened face on Itachi face, scaring Naruto into taking the situation seriously even if he didn't understand everything yet."Yes, Sasuke has partners and clients interesting in getting to know his new fiance."

"And they couldn't do that at a party?" Kakashi stood up, looking skeptical as he scooped books in his arms.

"Fugaku couldn't do that at a party." The words seemed to have a deep meaning for Kakashi whose face sobered instantly.

"I see." Naruto watched Kakashi head for the door with a slight nod of his head, "See you tomorrow."

"Who is Fugaku?" Naruto questioned Itachi who seemed a little too fascinated with buttoning his jacket and straightening it out.

It was another moment before Itachi started heading for the door, killing Naruto in what was possibly his longest silence paused at the door, his fingers tapped the wood lightly as if he was pondering the answer to that question. "He's...our father."

He shut the door just in time to miss the beginning sounds of Naruto's mini freakout.

* * *

"It's not a big deal." Naruto told the reflection of himself as he adjusted his clip on earrings and played with his necklace. "The rules are the same, you sit and smile."

He turned in the mirror, pulling his dress down so that it had more coverage with a fake smile.

"See, not hard." He continued to smile to the reflection, checking for anything on his teeth while he did so, "Just breathe."

"Are you done in there yet?" Kakashi knocked on the door, no doubt standing there nose deep in a book. "Well, it's not like I can tell you not to worry about it because honestly you have a high chance of fucking up big time. The good news is that is that it won't have much of an effect on a wedding. Just Sasuke's reputation, work, and family life, which isn't all that pleasant anyway."

Naruto opened the door with a glare, his fake eyelashes nearly touching together, "Is all this supposed to make me feel better?"

"You look pretty." Kakashi shrugged, shutting his book with a slight thud as he shrugged his shoulders, "Does that make you feel better?"

"No." Naruto sighed, pushing past Kakashi with his heels stomping the floor, "It just makes me wonder how the hell I do this."

"Me too." Kakashi replied, following him out the front door of the apartment, "At first, but then I got to know you and I saw exactly how you manage to fit."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Naruto glared at him as he pushed the elevator button. "I'm manly, I do man things!"

"Of course." Kakashi sighed, reopening his book as the elevator doors dinged open. "But you're also one of the only two men I know who've strapped on a pair of heels under stressful circumstances and made it work. It takes a charm."

"Who else has done it?" Naruto tilted his head in thought, considering Deidara for a second as Kakashi pushed the button for the ground floor.

And then he replied with something seemingly ground-breaking, "Itachi."

* * *

He was in shock central.

And somehow that seemed to play out in his favor. Even though it was hard to miss the stern, hard looking man sitting at the head of the table, Naruto could, for the most part, ignore him with the images of Itachi wiggling around in a pair of nine inch high-heels.

Yeah, that was entertaining.

"It was a pleasure doing business with you." The two clients, partners, whatever they were, said with handshakes. The older one gripped his hand and shook it gently, "Especially you Ms- is it too soon to call you Uchiha."

"No." Naruto shook his head with a smile, sending a glance to Sasuke's face to check his answer. Nothing, must be ok then. "Not at all."

"Good, see you at the wedding." The man gave his hand one last squeeze before walking off, leaving just Sasuke, him and Fugaku alone at the table.

"Does she even speak our language?" Fugaku asked Sasuke who looked like he was bolted to his seat in the stiffest manner possible.

"Yes she does." He replied slowly, carefully turning his head to address his Father.

"Hn, well, she looks like a mail-order bride." Fugaku was glaring a stern little hole in the side of his skull and Naruto wasn't sure how to take it. "I told you to take care of the rumors, this is not taking care of them."

"And what else am I supposed to do?" Sasuke spoke up, surprising the table.

Fugaku leaned up in his seat like those guys in scary intimidating movies that Naruto hated to watch, "You could have married that girl."

"You mean the princess daughter of Suna, your rival company, for the sake of a merger I don't support." Sasuke spat back, his fork clanging against the plate of food he barely touched.

"Well..." Fugaku stood up, brushing his pant seams, "Why am I surprised, its just the way you are. You always choose the wrong people, no matter what I told you, all those years ago about not being like your brother. You just can't help yourself."

Those words had a resounding effect on Sasuke that was even visual. His knuckles clenched tight, going white at the seams. His foot jogged up and down in place against the floor, and the sweat was decorating his forehead in beads. And all of it, was just from watching his father walking away. "Hey!"

He was lucky that Fugaku was only a few steps away, another octave and he would have lost his feminine charm. The unlucky part came when the man, his soon to be father-in-law, turned around.

"I'm not the wrong person." Naruto said, only wavering a tad, "And he isn't like Itachi, not at all."

The man gave him a wavering once over before turning around with a "Hn." and leaving the restaurant. Naruto sat down with shaking knees and took a large gulp of his water, what the hell did he do? Was Sasuke going to be mad?

Reluctantly, he looked at Sasuke over the top of his glass. Blank, blank as ever, Sasuke was just staring at him with a morbid fascination. By the time he managed to realize he finished the entire glass, Sasuke was looking down at his plate again. "That was interesting."

"No." Naruto shook his head, playing with the napkin in his lap, just like Deidara taught him he thought with a smile.

"It was." Sasuke nodded his head, as if confirming it with himself. "Hn."

Like Father like son.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: The Home**

He had no idea why he was thinking about it.

The summer of his junior year, Naruto spent a majority of his time cooped up in his room watching TV and thinking about video games he couldn't play because he didn't own a game station. Mostly, it was because he was avoiding the catastrophe that was his uncle who camped out in the living room area throughout most of the evenings and slept in the damn room for the rest of the time.

Apparently he was on vacation.

"Are you ever going to work?" Naruto questioned his uncle while putting bread into a toaster, hunger won against his disinterest to be involved with whatever was going on outside of his walls.

His uncle was sprawled out on the couch, with multiple glasses, bottles, and plates on the table that suggested he had company earlier and he was fortunate to have missed it considering the number of bottles. "I am working."

"You're still saying that." Naruto grumbled into his toaster as his bread popped out in welcoming.

"What was that?" His uncle sat up on the couch, pointing a finger at him, "I work very hard to put food on the table, if you think I don't then why don't you go get a job and help out?"

Naruto had nothing to say to that because it was sort of true, just when he thought they were going to be evicted Jiraiya would pull a couple of those chapters from the book he writes out of his ass and receive payment for the bills. Naruto was baffled by it, he wasn't even sure if his uncle was using the creative process correctly, or that there was even a correct way to do that.

"Why don't you get dressed and go outside, some fresh air will do you some good. Besides I have company coming." Naruto groaned, now that it was out in the open he had to do it or his uncle would bother him constantly about leaving, following him around everywhere and crap like that.

"Fine." Naruto growled, neglecting his toast to change out of his pajamas. He hadn't opened his dresser in at least a month, it was nice. Made him feel like he had new clothes every time. He pulled out an orange shirt, a pair of shorts and some socks, praying that they didn't smell like anything too weird. Once he was done getting dressed, he hunted the piggy bank on his bedside table for money, 10 bucks. Not much, but it had to do.

Toast.

Naruto jogged back into the kitchen, shoving the money in his pocket as he did so, and grabbed the toast before turning back around to leave. "See you."

"Bye kid!"

God it was hot. "I gotta find someplace cool." He mumbled to himself, stomping down the sidewalk. He could go grocery shopping, they needed food, but at the same time he only brought ten bucks with him. "Screw it I'll go anyway."

With that he headed for the supermarket, nearly jogging when it peeked over at him from the top of the damn hill it was so inconveniently placed on. It turned it into a race with himself, and before he could mutter the words "Fuck this heat." he was crossing the finish line that was the front doors of heaven. He through his hands in the air, twirling a bit in victory and totally ignoring all the other customers that we're looking at him like he decided to snack on heroin that morning.

Ha, like you could just snack on heroin.

Anyway, the point is he was acting crazy but there was no big deal with that because he didn't give a shit about other people, so, moving forward. The first thing he decided he needed was a drink, so he walked toward a checkout lane, pulled a huge thing of water out of the small fridge located right there, checked it out, and had them slap a huge sticker on it so he could walk around in the store.

That took about 5 minutes of good air-conditioner time.

"Man, I'm so bored." He grumbled, deciding that he would check out what they had at the back of the store in the toy section. He didn't really need to go to the toy section, but it was still entertaining to see what the hell kids would be playing with these days.

Pregnant barbie was one of his favorites.

For a while he eyed some new toy guns, considering the consequences for sneaking up on Kiba in the hallway on the first day of school to shoot him in the face with water or some kind of foamy thing. Eh, it'd probably be worth it. Since he had about 7 dollars left, he decided to try and hunt down a small one for 5. Naruto quickly made himself comfortable on the floor while he examined tiny water guns, it's not like he was expecting anyone to be around anyway. The store was mostly empty, especially the toy aisle.

But, as he's learned since then, the unexpected is often what he gets. "Are you living in here?"

Forcing himself not to jump, Naruto glared up at the haunting face of Sasuke Uchiha. He seemed like he was playing it cool, but for some reason he was unsure about that. Naruto thought he looked, miffed, like he was irritated about something, or mad. Maybe it was the slightly unnoticeable line in his eyebrows, or the way he had one hand out of his pocket that was balled in a fist and knocking on the side of his leg.

"No." Naruto replied, looking back at the guns. Maybe he'd get an orange one, that seemed cool. Then again green was a good choice to, that way when he made an escape he could just toss it in the grass. No gun, no proof. "Go away."

"It's a public place." Sasuke retorted, seemingly examining board games of some kind. "I can do what I want."

Naruto glared at the guns now, refusing to move or speak by the pure force of his stubborn will power. Sasuke seemed to be in the same mood, and the conclusion ultimately ended in an impasse that one of them would have to break eventually.

Wait, did that technically count as an impasse?

"You're not going to try one of those stupid schemes of yours are you?" Naruto heard Sasuke ask, he was standing closer now, peering over his shoulder.

"Thats none of your business asshole." Naruto growled, saving a victory dance later for not breaking his stubborn concentration first. He picked himself off the floor and dusted whatever imaginary dirt that was there off his shorts.

"If it concerns me, then it is my business." Naruto laughed out of realization, Sasuke actually thought he was spending 5 bucks to screw with him? He hadn't even thought about it, he was planning something bigger for Sasuke at the time that would take more than just five damn dollars.

"Well it doesn't concern you." Naruto leaned forward in Sasuke's face and stuck out his tongue, before snatching a green squirt gun from the bottom been and pushing past him.

Again, he had no idea why he was thinking about it. He just was.

When Kakashi picked him up at the restaurant, the memory just kind of floated in his mind and settled there. He got two days of suspension for that stunt, but he completely forgot about running into Sasuke at the supermarket. He was focused on how irritated Sasuke seemed and kept wondering if he was like that because of something with his family. He knew that Sasuke's family was uptight, but he didn't know it was like that between them.

Family drama, he wasn't even married to the guy yet and he was already becoming a part of it.

"I imagine it went terribly?" Kakashi asked the moment the car door shut, Naruto sighed into the seat.

"I yelled at him, a little." Kakashi shook his head while putting the car in drive, "He seemed to not take me seriously but Sasuke called me interesting."

"Really? Hm." Naruto felt like he was going to throw up the second Kakashi pulled back into the traffic jammed streets, "That's interesting. Oh, by the way that envelope there is yours."

"What?" Naruto rose an eyebrow before spotting exactly what Kakashi was talking about resting on the dashboard in front of him. It was a red envelope, a gold seal was keeping it together. Where had he seen that gold seal before? "Oh, God."

It was his old school emblem, it was like their way of distinguishing themselves from the other mail, like people actually wanted to notice them in the first place. Carefully, he picked it up and opened it.

"A highschool reunion?" Naruto questioned, showing Kakashi the invitation in disbelief, "Has it really been that long?"

"Five years, I didn't realize you were in Sasuke's graduating class. Does Itachi know?" Kakashi gave him a look that said "If Itachi doesn't know, tell him, now." and then fixed his eyes back on the road, "Well, Sasuke is going and he's probably going to take you since he went to school with some of the people he works with now."

"What? Are you serious?" Naruto cried, throwing his hands up, "That's crazy what if someone recognizes me?"

"Well that's why we are giving you a black wig and telling Sasuke you dyed your hair." Kakashi shrugged, "Me and Deidara chatted about it earlier, it seems like the best solution. Though it is expensive, do you realize those wigs are real hair?"

"Seriously?!" Naruto touched his hair gently, feeling the soft texture, "Awesome."

"Its funny to me." Kakashi commented, Naruto hadn't even noticed that they made it to the apartment building despite all the traffic, did he space out? "Sasuke never seemed like he would be the type of person to want to go to a high school reunion. But all of a sudden he does."

"Maybe he's just looking for a break." Naruto suggested as they got out of the car, he wanted to pull off the wig already. It was getting hot.

"He's looking for something, but its not a break." Kakashi held the elevator for him as he slipped off his heels. He didn't care if it was ten steps or twenty, he couldn't do the shoes anymore. Standing next to Kakashi in the elevator, he wondered when he started to develop relationships with these people that allowed them to have these kinds of chats.

Maybe he was just being, adaptable.

* * *

**I am so tired T-T **

**Anyway~! Thanks for favorites and follows and...stuff~! I've been reading some interesting fics lately :D It's been nice, and I'm still working on crap of my own so its ehhhhh.,egraignergnerg, but I love ff, could never leave it so here we are together while I'm typing this message in an exhausted state and you, as a poor reader who may or may not read this has to suffer through.**

**Thank you~! REVIEW!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: The Reunion **

He looked good in black.

The second that wig was put on, Deidara seemed to get very excited and went into a full blown fit about his eyes. Now, looking in the mirror, Naruto could see why. He knew his eyes were blue and everything, but damn, he didn't know they were _this_ blue.

"You should consider dyeing your hair that color for the rest of your life." Deidara gawked beside him in the mirror, "Because you look hot."

Konan, who came back with a mysterious bandage around her forehead, nodded along in her usual stoic fashion beside him. They both liked his hair, and he liked his hair, and that was probably the most girly moment of his life.

But he still has a long way to go in these heels.

"You look hot." All three of them turned to see Kakashi standing at the bathroom door with his hands in his pockets, "Sasuke is waiting in the car getting impatient."

"Bye Naruto! Good luck!" Deidara smiled at him, patting his back. Naruto smiled back as he followed Kakashi out of the apartment. He wondered if Sasuke would have anything to say about his hair? Would he like it like everyone else? What if he didn't? Hold on.

What the hell did it matter if the bastard liked his hair or not?! He needed to get this over with so he could take off the hells and do something manly like poker, wrestling, workouts, maybe shave. Yeah, he'll shave his face, so what if there's no hair, its something only men do.

That he knew of?

With a resolved sigh, Naruto opened the car door, "Where hav-" Sasuke stopped dead at the sight of him and for a moment Naruto stood there leaned over with his head poking in the car while Sasuke examined him, his face slowly shifted from shock to an unimpressed look as Naruto finally climbed in the car, "You changed your hair?"

He seemed disappointed, that bothered Naruto a bit.

"Um, yeah." Naruto shrugged, playing with the hem of dress nervously. Sasuke was watching him from the front passenger seat of the car, he could vaguely make out Kakashi walking around the front of the car behind the glass. "Itachi suggested it."

"Well don't pay any attention to Itachi." Sasuke commented looking down at his phone, "If he's worried about my Father having a problem with your hair you can tell him that Dad can deal with it. And change your hair back."

"Okay." Naruto answered just as Kakashi plopped in the drivers seat.

There was a problem with his hair?

* * *

His high school looked like hell, it just brought back the lovely memories. Well, it didn't really look like hell in the typical sense because everything looked clean, relatively new, and there was an added building in the back that didn't used to be there. But still, it was hell. "This place hasn't changed much." Sasuke commented, glaring at the building with what Naruto was guessing were mutual feelings. "Let's get this over with."

Sasuke held out his arm for Naruto to take it and for a moment he started at the arm in shock before remembering that he was a chick and Sasuke was his date.

Ew...he just thought that.

"Something wrong?" Naruto shook his head as he was lead through the familiar front doors, he had to hold back comments and gasps as he do so. This was a place he was seeing for the first time, well at least to Sasuke, he had to act like it. A person he didn't recognize smiled at the two as they walked up to the table, she handed them name tags that they both just threw away the second they stepped away. There's no way Sasuke would need one anyway, and his was handmade with Naruko screaming at old classmates. Who wouldn't look at that and think Naruto?

Well, except Sasuke, who seemed to really not notice the connection at all.

He laughed at the thought that Sasuke was a closet dumbass and followed his questioning date into the old lunch-hall that was dressed up to look like something in between a prom and a fancy dinner party. Sasuke led him to a dinner table in the back of the room, figures, he probably wanted to get away from all the stares he was already getting. It was like High school all over again.

"They're talking about you." Sasuke commented nonchalantly in his ear, a few girls giggled making Naruto doubt it, "Not them, but listen."

So Naruto did.

"Who is she?"

"Is that Sasuke's girlfriend?"

"What a shame. She's so pretty."

Naruto could feel a blush creeping on his face and shut off the sound of their whispers as he took a seat. "I hate this."

"Itachi used to tell me that pretty things were meant to be admired." Sasuke took a seat beside him, immediately looking around for something to drink or do that didn't involve chatting with people. It didn't take long for him to pull out his phone again. "I always thought that was bullshit, it annoyed me."

"I agree." Naruto grumbled as he played with the card on the table with all the neat little instructions about what the hell was going on, he wouldn't mind all the attention if he was actually himself right now. But instead he's "Naruko" sexy vixen fiance of one Sasuke Uchiha. "It's so annoying."

"Well this is strange." Naruto and Sasuke both looked up from what they were doing, a pretty dirty blonde haired girl was standing there with her hands crossed. A little behind her stood a guy with his hands in his pockets looking just as thrilled to be there as they were. "It seems like just a month ago we were being thrusted into marriage, and we both didn't want to get married ever. Now look at us, we're both engaged."

"You're engaged Temari?" Sasuke sounded amused as the two seated, she somewhat smiled at Naruto, giving him the once over as she did so.

"Unfortunately." Spoke up the guy beside her, resting his head on the palm of his hand almost instinctively, "We're trying to figure out a way around it, but it's not looking so good."

"Its true." Temari nodded with a sigh, "We've tried everything but our parents are mutually stubborn. This is Shikamaru by the way."

They waved to each other from across the table, "Shikamaru? You mean your secret boyfriend for the past five years?"

"Yeah so." Temari replied, the couple both rolled their eyes in agreement, "Doesn't mean I want to get married."

"True." Sasuke shrugged, point a finger at Naruto, "This is Naruko, she's...not from around here."

"Mail-order?" Temari raised an eyebrow, giving Sasuke a look, "I didn't take you for the type? She must be worth every penny."

"I'm not." Sasuke shrugged, tapping the side of his phone, "And just so you know she does speak our language, so be polite."

Temari smiled at me, "Sorry being polite has never been easy for me."

"Ain't that the truth-ow." Shikamaru rubbed the side of his arm where he'd been hit, "I should tell my parents you beat me."

"Thats a great idea, make your mother like me, it will really help our goals." Temari rolled her eyes, Naruto was surprised when the two broke out in laughter. It kind of made him wonder how he and Sasuke must look. "So, Naruko, how are you enjoying life with this bastard?"

"Uh- it's okay." Naruto shrugged, shaking his head. This was way more conversation then he was used to.

"She's definitely a keeper Sasuke." Temari smiled at him again, it was weird. It was like she was happy to be at the party, chatting with them, but everything else she did suggested she'd rather be anywhere else. How confusing.

"I don't remember going to highschool with you Temari." Sasuke changed the conversation, was he feeling uncomfortable about her calling him a keeper? Naruto watched him carefully and wondered why a person who hated conversations was keeping one going.

Temari pointed at Shikamaru, who raised his hand at the same time.

"I remember you vaguely." Shikamaru explained, pointing around the room, "Mostly just your name, you know how women get."

"Right." Sasuke nodded his head, looking into the crowd, "I can't say I really remember that many people anymore. Maybe...five people, all friends."

"Yeah me either." Shikamaru shrugged, "Everyone I do remember was a friend. Well, except one guy. Naruto."

Don't...panic. Naruto did his best to keep it together as Shikamaru chatted on.

"Did you know him? He had some classes with me, he was kind of stupid." Shikamaru shrugged, not bothering to go any further, at this point, Naruto may as well have been shooting Sasuke with a laser beam, not that Sasuke would notice, he was almost totally absorbed in his stupid phone.

"No, not really." Naruto glared, was he serious? or just not paying attention? Did he really not remember him?

"That's too bad." Shikamaru shrugged, also eyeing Sasuke skeptically, "When he wasn't being really annoying he was a pretty okay guy."

That's when it dawned on Naruto that he had no clue who Shikamaru was. He was just as guilty as Sasuke at this point. But still it was better that he didn't remember him as Naruto, it made his seat in the closeted dumbass circle just a little smaller, and the chair in his asshole office just a few feet wider.

"Naruto kind of sounds like Naruko doesn't it?" For the first time he noticed Temari staring at him, for what was probably the whole time they were talking, she smirked. Naruto smiled back, laughing as lightly as he could.

"Yeah." Naruto shook his head, trying to look away in a very very far distance.

"Excuse me!" Cried a chick he didn't recognize on the stage, silencing the room. Naruto barely listened to whatever she was saying, mostly because he was so annoyed at just everything. He thought that Sasuke would remember him?

Or maybe that was just wishful thinking.

* * *

**The next three chapters are going to be kind of on the reunion setting, but things are only going to get more interesting so hang in there XDD**

**I personally love how chapter 14 is coming along.**

**Review~!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: The Caught Mouse **

How was he supposed to do this?

Naruto stared down at the toilet in front of him, drowning out the chatter of other girls around discussing makeup and gossip. He shouldn't have downed all those drinks, he just didn't want to talk anymore. By now he'd pretty much gotten over Sasuke not knowing his name and was making a slow descent into depression. He always knew he had no friends, but he never knew it was this bad. There didn't seem to be a single person who even missed him a little. He was mostly just that really annoying guy.

Naruto decided he didn't have to pee anymore and instead just slid to the ground and rested his head against the bathroom stall door, he was feeling a little dazed, Deidara was going to kill him for sitting on a dirty floor in this dress but he didn't care.

He hated high school reunions, it was decided.

"Excuse me!" a girl knocked on his stall door, "Um-I have to use the bathroom."

"Fine." Naruto breathed, clumsily standing up and wrenching the door open. The girl squeaked as the bathroom stall banged against the stall wall and Naruto pushed past her, "Its all yours."

"T-Thank you!" The girl called over him, he ignored her and the whispers of "scary" that came from the other female occupants. He just wanted to leave, if he begged Sasuke maybe he might be able to.

"Hey!" Naruto wondered if the ceilings were always this nice looking, he never remembered them having a skyline before? Was it new? Probably. "Hey!"

Naruto felt himself spinning around and being held in place, "What the-" he looked up to see a wide-eyed familiar face staring at him looking just as surprised. "Kiba?"

"Naruto?" Kiba looked him up and down, "I knew it! You're getting married to Sasuke? You had a sex chang-" Naruto slammed a hand down on the side of Kiba's mouth and dragged him out of the hallway into a janitors closet.

"What the hell? What do you want!" Naruto frantically whispered, jamming a finger in Kiba's chest, "You just leave me alone-mean-fuck!"

"Are you drunk?" Kiba raised an eyebrow at him before shaking his head, "Never mind that doesn't matter, just tell me how you ended up a chick and engaged to your sworn enemy of all time. I'll work it out from there."

"You-you are not my friend." Naruto hit the side of Kiba's arm earning a growl, "You're just-you go away!"

"Naruto I've been your friend!" Kiba shook Naruto who stumbled a little in the heels he was wearing. "I see things haven't changed much. You're the one who wouldn't forgive me for being an ass in middle school! I was going through a rebellious phase, it drove everyone nuts not just you I apologized for that a long time ago!"

"Liar." Naruto mumbled, leaning against the closet wall and sliding to the ground. Kiba stood over him and sighed, shaking his head.

"Fine." Kiba resolved, crossing his arms, "Either you tell me or I'll go ask Sasuke."

"Wha-no!" Naruto gripped his pant legs even though he hadn't moved, "I'll die if you do that, my uncle put me in debt with the loans sharks, and then the guys were like "hey I want you to marry this dude for a year and pay of your debt" and then I was like "I don't know about that." And then they were all like "Yeah well you have to do it or we'll put you in sex slave trades and stuff" and then they drugged me."

"You are a lot drunker than I thought." Kiba sighed, picking Naruto up, "We'll find a bathroom on the second floor, I work here so I have keys."

"You work here?" Naruto groaned as he leaned against Kiba's chest, "That sounds awful."

"Not nearly as awful as your life sounds right now." Kiba growled back, tugging Naruto up a flight of stairs, "You've always had a talent for attracting bad luck."

"And I'm annoying." Naruto frowned, "And stupid."

"And crazy?" Kiba looked at him weirdly as he shoved him in the men's bathroom, "Are you okay Naruto, I've never heard you talk like this in my life. And that's been a pretty freaking long time."

"I'm fine." Naruto shrugged, leaning against the wall, "Better then ever actually, its just stupid people. I'll be fine when I go home."

"With Sasuke you mean?" Kiba frowned at him, gripping his shoulders, "And his family."

"Something like that." Naruto sighed into the tile, rubbing his face, "I feel awful."

"That's okay, I'm going to help you out." Kiba guided him toward a toilet, leaned him over the base, and patted him on the back. "Now don't get mad at me like you did at prom."

And then he shoved his fingers down Naruto's throat.

* * *

"I told you not to be mad at me." Kiba chased Naruto down the empty second story hall.

"I hate it when you do that!" Naruto growled, stomping his way down the stairs, "Throwing up sucks. You know I hate it!"

"Well what am I supposed to do?!" Kiba argued, catching up with Naruto just barely. He was surprisingly fast in those heels, "You were, are, really drunk. I had to do something to help out."

"Whatever." Naruto grumbled, pausing at the bottom step to glare up at Kiba, "Just leave me alone and don't tell Sasuke! Or it's my head."

"Well this is interesting." Naruto turned around, gaping at the guy standing there with his hands in his pockets and a smirk on his face. No one else was in the hall, everyone was busy in the party, chatting and drinking. "I knew it was you, black hair or not I've seen your face enough to recognize you. Temari didn't believe me."

"I'm going to die." Naruto shook his head, throwing his hands to the new freaking ceiling he had no damn memory of, "I'm going to fucking die, I fucked up."

"Woah, calm down!" Kiba laughed nervously, gesturing toward Shikamaru, "No one's said anything that suggests you're going to die...yet."

"He's right." Shikamaru interrupted Naruto before he could start yelling at Kiba, "I don't mind keeping a secret, I hated Sasuke in high school for the same reasons as everyone else. Kind of makes me laugh."

"Great." Naruto stomped past Shikamaru, "Everyone can join the damn party and get me in trouble. Three freaking people, that's a damn-"

Naruto halted, eyes frozen as he frantically looked around, he forgot to use the bathroom!

"What's wrong?" Shikamaru questioned, looking at him strangely. Kiba ran up grabbing Naruto and dragging him to the nearest bathroom.

"Move ladies!" He roared, pushing Naruto passed the crowd and into the bathroom, "Emergency bathroom break!"

Naruto fixed his dress and gave everyone a weak smile before shoving his way into a stall. Sit, he had to sit down. Naruto did so, feeling relieved the moment he did. This was all too stressful, what if one of them ratted him out to Sasuke. Deidara was going to kill him, Kakashi was going to laugh at him, and Konan was going to shake her head with that stoic face and disappointed eyes at him. He buried his hands in his face as he came to the outstanding conclusion that he really just didn't want to let anyone down. Not Sasuke, Itachi, any of them.

Well, except maybe Kakashi. He just seemed along for the ride.

By the time Naruto exited the bathroom, everything seemed a lot calmer. Shikamaru and Kiba were just standing there talking when he walked up, both of them went silent the moment they saw him. "Kiba told me about your situation. That kind of sucks."

"What do you mean kind of?" Kiba raised an eyebrow, "Sounds like it really sucks to me."

"Not really." Naruto confessed shaking his head, earning a surprised look from both men, "I live pretty good, and I'm starting to earn more freedoms so...that's looking up."

"I can see how that would be." Kiba nodded reaching into his pockets and pulling out a folded piece of paper, "Well in case that freedom earns you a phone, call me."

"Why would I call you asshole?" Naruto glared, taking the paper from Kiba anyway. He didn't really consider Kiba a friend but now that he knew and could possibly ruin his entire life it was sort of important to have contact information with the guy.

"Bye Naruto." Kiba waved them off, leaving just him and Shikamaru in the hall.

"Well." Shikamaru sighed, nodding his head back in the direction of the party, "Let's get back before Sasuke blows up from too much attention. I'll cover for you if anything happens, and uh, you should probably use this tissue to wipe the lipstick off of your chin and eat some food to help sober you up some more."

Naruto took the tissue paper with a frown, this was just getting to be too crazy.

* * *

**Reply to review time~!**

**Random Guest review that mentioned Shika: You so called me! XD Of course he noticed, he would have never brought it up unless it was to examine Naruto's reaction. HA! And I really hope I'm not making Naruto super girly or anything O-o I'm trying real hard to keep the manly flow going to you let me know how I'm doing on that. **

**Harumi-Chan: There is no such thing as a too long review, whats wrong with you O-o! I'm happy that you like my writing *blush* it makes me really happy! I hope you enjoy other stories of mine as well, and if you've already given me a review on one of them then I'm sorry if I missed it O_O I do that sometimes. **

**Kipperson the Unknown: First off, love the stories of yours. Secondly, I hope my updates are still pleasing you~! **

**Okay so that's all I literally have time for! Thank you all for your reviews and please give me more! **


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: The Four-Leaves **

"That was hell." Sasuke commented as they were walking out of the old high school building. Naruto said nothing and just nodded, well aware of the examining look he was getting from Sasuke. "You disappeared on me for a while, I was worried because you had so much to drink."

"Huh?" Naruto gazed at him wide-eyed, Sasuke was worried? That bastard didn't worry about anything not involving himself. Again, he shook his head, "I got a little too drunk, I was trying to fix it."

"Well that's good, it wouldn't look good for you to be walking around drunk." Sasuke grumbled, halting them in the middle of the parking spot which Kakashi was mysteriously absent from. "Where is he?"

Naruto shrugged, how would he know where Kakashi is? Its not like he had a phone or a magical unicorn. Sasuke frowned and pulled out his phone, Naruto was surprised that he even had to pull out something that was practically attached to his right hand like a damn magnet.

"Where are you?" Sasuke growled into the phone, Naruto could hear the faintest hint of giggling on the other line and had to hold back the massive laughter that threatened to spill at the look on Sasuke's face. He had one guess about where Kakashi was. "Again! Fine, I'm calling a cab."

Naruto silently laughed, brushing his hair to the side like a real girl which only made him laugh harder. He was in a good place compared to earlier. "This isn't funny." Sasuke glared at him, calling a cab.

"Yes it is." Naruto laughed, making himself comfortable on a curb. He could feel the piece of paper Kiba gave him earlier scratch against his chest, and that alone sobered him up. Kiba was a not-friend, someone he used to be friends with but he did things like a friend would sometimes. Maybe it was time for Naruto to gather his balls and let Kiba back in, screw the hurt feeling of betrayal and all that crap. If he wasn't in the business of blackmail, then he may as well be useful.

"Don't drink like that again." Sasuke commented taking a seat next to him on the curb, "Its not good for you. My father's going to die from it one day."

"My uncle to." Naruto covered his mouth, crap he was talking about things he wasn't supposed to.

"So you do have family." Sasuke nodded his head in confirmation. "Itachi said you had none, I thought he was lying to get me to sign the contract."

"I have one uncle." Naruto shrugged, tugging at the hem of the damn dress again. "It's not much."

"Hn." Sasuke signaled that the conversation was over, he liked to do that with his little noise. Still, Naruto welcomed the silence that followed.

"Where are we?" Naruto stared up at the light-up brick building standing tall in the very heart of a city which bustled around them with drunken joy and excitement while they stood side-by-side in front of a cab that was in the midst of trying to squirm its way out of its parallel parking space.

"A hotel." Sasuke sighed, rubbing the side of his head, "I thought about going home, but I thought my bride at least had the right to know her weddings location. That, and I'm a little drunk and pissed at Kakashi."

"Really?" Naruto nodded, shifting in his shoes nervously, "Are we sharing a room?"

"Yeah but I'll make it double beds and don't worry about your clothes I already talked to the hotel owner to arrange things." Sasuke stretched his arms in the air with a groan, "We have to get used to each other eventually."

"Okay." Naruto frowned following Sasuke inside, he waited by the elevators while Sasuke took care of everything and worried. He really wished he had a phone, or a number to call, or something...well he did have a number to call, but that was Kiba and he was talking about Deidara or something.

Naruto smacked his head, he had to pull his drunken head together and figure shit out.

"We're on the second floor." Sasuke walked him, pulling out his phone, Naruto stared at the keys dangling on his fingers and zoned out of a moment. He was going to be fine, this was nothing, he breathed.

* * *

This was not going to be fine.

Naruto came back around to that conclusion the second he stepped into their room, their room! Not his room, their room! Because he was sharing, with Sasuke, who was an asshole that he was supposed to hate, and he was supposed to be a really hot chick, but the food from the stupid reunion was not being kind to his stomach and he had the urge to burp, throw up, and everything in between. It was killing him.

"This is not good." He stared at the outfit in front of him that he guessed were women pajamas and frowned as he pulled the shirt over his head and fought to keep the shrimp something from forcing its way out of his throat. One look in the mirror confirmed that he still looked female, so he had that at least.

Fuck it, what happens, happens. Naruto threw open the bathroom door and peered into the darkness, Sasuke was already laying in his bed on the far left of the room, just barely visible in the moonlight. Naruto shut off the bathroom lights and crawled into his own bed, sinking into its amazing softness.

"I can't sleep." Naruto sighed into his pillow at the sound of Sasuke's voice, on the other hand he was learning that alcohol made him a lot more talkative, "It was stupid to come to the reunion, I hated school."

"Then why go?" Naruto sighed into his pillow, would it break Itachi's rules if he told Sasuke to shut the fuck up in a very firm tone of voice?

"I was looking for someone." Sasuke grumbled, Naruto could hear his covers shifting as he adjusted himself. "I don't know his name, at least not anymore, I never bothered to think about it until he was out of my sight. He was always talking shit, that made me want to do better just to rub it in his face."

Naruto glared into the darkness, was Sasuke...talking about him? "Sounds interesting."

"Yeah it was, I never knew why he hated me so much." Sasuke breathed into his pillow and for a minute Naruto thought he had finally gone to sleep. The last thing he wanted to do was sit here and listened about how much Sasuke did and didn't remember him. "I think this is going to work."

"Huh?" Naruto sat up, making eye contact with Sasuke who was staring at him through the dark.

"Our marriage, I think it's going to work." Sasuke closed his eyes and turned on his side, "I'd rather be married to a lesbian then some of my co-workers."

Naruto was more than sure that was the truth.

* * *

**Okay so here's the deal guys. I've been vacationing for about a month now, where there is a computer available which means updates. So here comes some bad news: my laptop is broken and I'm leaving back home today. I'm working on getting a new computer for writing and will have that hopefully with-in the next week or so. In the meantime, I can still write on my phone but I can't update. And if I can, I'll work out a way to somehow make things happen and get updates. **

**I do have chapter 16 halfway done, and I will try to post that soon. Sorry if anything seems rushed I'm just feeling guilty because my laptop is stupid and want to get chapters up more than usual.**

**Review, and thank you!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: The Dress**

He had no idea what the hell they were talking about.  
Konan and Deidara stood around him holding different wedding dresses up to his body and engaging in discussion he couldn't follow because he was too damn busy being hit with the reality that he really was going to marry Sasuke Uchiha, extraordinary asshole and full time genius prodigy.

Seriously, it was happening.

"The figure suggests a mermaid dress, I'm telling you its the best choice!" Deidara shook a dress at Konan who shook her head and held up a rather large looking dress of her own.

"Traditional." She simply insisted, holding the huge ass dress up to Naruto's body.

"Oh like his family really cares!" Deidara shot back shaking the dress at Kakashi, "Back me up."

"Sorry." Kakashi shrugged, he made himself comfortable on the couch a long time ago and was now flipping through one of his books with an almost gleeful look on his face. "I'm just here to guard."

"That's going to be a lot of help." Deidara glared, once again holding his chosen dress up to Naruto who was freaking out mentally at the moment. By now he was over whatever happened at the stupid reunion, that always happens when he drinks, they do say it's a depressant right? Well, that's how he just thought of things. Anyway, the point is he might have been the annoying guy in high school but no one hated him and he gave a lot of people tons of really goofy weird stories to tell their children about high school.

So all that made him, was awesome and alcohol wasn't about to screw that up.

"Actually it's going to be more help than you know, Itachi didn't tell you anything did he?" Kakashi looked up from his book and at the silent room around him and sighed at their questioning stares, "Itachi and Sasuke picked out bridesmaids for Naruko. They're on their way now to help you pick out dresses."

"So that's why he had us give Naruto the full treatment." Deidara laid the dress out on the dining room table.

"You mean tapping my chest together to create the weird cleavage and other stuff? Because that's the only difference from the usual." Naruto commented, now out of his shocked state. At this point he wasn't going to be bothered about being surrounded by girls, there was just no damn point in being shocked about anything anymore.

Fuck it, from now on he was going to be downright excited about everything.

"This is horrible." Konan stared around the room, "This room looks way too chaotic for guests."

"What part of this mess isn't chaotic?" Deidara frowned at the room which had wedding dresses of almost every type hanging around and racks more to be sorted through. For a moment they all just stood there looking at the mess and then all of a sudden Deidara actually slapped an almost evil scheming smirk, "This room is too small, so let's have Itachi call all those girls and tell them the little get together has been moved to Sasuke's house."

"Done." Kakashi pulled out his phone and started dialing numbers while Konan and Deidara ran around the room grabbing racks and dragging them into the hall.

"Naruto go get dressed!" Deidara waved him off, Naruto slumped into his bedroom and headed straight for his forbidden closet. He realized that this was the first time he was actually totally dressing himself as a chick. His mind drowned in the available colors, dresses, and shoes. What was he supposed to do with all this?

Naruto looked at each dress carefully, there were a lot of blue ones, black ones, pink ones and what the hell color is that? Yellow? Naruto shivered and shoved his hands further in the back of the closet, hunting through the unfamiliar territory like a pro.

And thats when he saw it.

It was orange! Orange, Deidara would never let him touch the color anymore, not even when he was dressed normally. He missed it so much, wearing whatever he wanted when he wanted. Sure, as a homeless person he mostly had the same outfit all the time but he still had that freedom.

Wow, that sounded...hopeless.

Naruto shrugged and pulled on the orange dress, screw Deidara he was wearing what he wanted. He shoved on the pair of black heels they had him wearing earlier back on and walked into his living area again, Kakashi was standing by the door with a raised eyebrow. "Are you sure you want to go to the little girl get together dressed so plainly?"

"I don't care." Naruto shrugged, pulling the dress down some, "It's not going to matter when I'm changing into a million different things anyway."

"True." Kakashi nodded, leading the way out of the apartment. "Lets all just hope this isn't a total disaster."

* * *

It was a total disaster.

No, not really, but Naruto got the feeling that it just might turn into one the second he saw two very familiar girls from the office step into Sasuke's house with a gleaming glint in their eyes filled with a similar goal. Sakura and... was it Ino? Stood there glaring around the room as they walked into the way too spacious living room area. "Hello." He nodded to them, the two nodded back and looked away like they had better places to look then his face.

They probably do.

"Hi." Deidara perked up from the corner of the room, he had that same dress he was insisting on earlier resting in his hands and Naruto knew he was probably going to end up in it at the wedding if Deidara kept being so damn persistent. "Naruko why don't you come with me and we'll put you in the first dress while we wait for the other girls."

Naruto happily followed, his heels clomped on the floor and echoed throughout the house along the way to the side bedroom where they set up from him to get dressed. Deidara stood there with a growl that covered his whole face, "Who the hell did they send? Just random girls they saw around the office."

"That was probably the asshole's doing." Naruto grumbled with him, slowly pulling off the dress he was wearing. Deidara opened a crack in the door, probably to spy on them because he didn't trust them not to snoop around.

That was probably the worst mistake.

"Did you see the orange she was wearing?" He heard who he knew was Sakura commenting. Deidara shook his head, trying to adjust the dress while listening. Konan peeped through the crack with her stoic eyebrows frowning."Who wears orange these days? Oh, I know, people so pathetic their husbands have to find them bridesmaids from their office."

"You want to know what I want to know?" Ino chirped back through the cracked door, "How did she manage to get so many boutiques to agree to let her try on dresses from the comfort of her home? It must be bigger than we ever dreamed to marry a Uchiha."

"I'm pretty sure she didn't dream about it for a second, she just climbed in bed and got it done." Naruto rolled his eyes, if only they knew the real truth. He didn't crawl into anything but a big pile of shit. "When do you think the baby is due?"

"Now you just sound stupid." Naruto and Deidara both perked up, it was a new voice joining the crowd. "Sasuke doesn't crawl into bed with anyone for any reason. You girls should know that better than anyone."

"Who are you?" Ino sounded more excited than defensive, which surprised Naruto.

"Temari, maid of honor. This is my friend Hinata, second maid of honor. And it's our job to keep bitches like you in line so you don't ruin the wedding along with Sasuke's reputation." Deidara smacked Naruto on the side for silently laughing, he was glad she was there. "How's that?"

"Good." Ino replied.

"We're not bitches." Sakura growled.

Naruto shook his head, this was all too much to deal with. If he ever got married in the future, he'd make sure his wife had whatever she wanted and hire someone to take care of it all for her because this shit was stressful. Finally, he exited the room. Temari smiled at him from her place on the couch and gave him a little wave. Deidara gestured to the wedding dress, slightly adjusting Naruto's wig as he did so. "Opinions."

"I like it." Temari smiled, point at the bottom of the dress, "But I think the flare on the bottom is a little too big, you look like you might fall over. The rest of it hugs your curves really well."

Naruto noticed she winked at him one the mention of the word curves, so she knew then.

"I don't like it." Sakura growled, Temari glared at her along with Ino.

"Well I think it looks nice." Ino flipped her hair, wiggling her shoulders with a snide look in Sakura's direction, "I lost, that's fair enough, I'm not going to sit here and whine because I wasn't smart enough to land a back up man like some people here."

"Bimbo." Sakura whispered, Naruto was surprised this was the same woman he met a long time ago, she looked so nice then.

"I like the lace on your shoulders." A girl with long black hair and soft gray eyes whispered on the couch next to Temari. "It's pretty."

"Is your wedding going to be orange?" Temari questioned from the couch, her head leaning in a thinking face, "Yeah, orange and blue! I like that, what do you think Naruko?"

"Uh..." Naruto froze, would Sasuke be good with that? Somehow he didn't think so.

"Its your wedding, not Sasuke's. You're the bride." Temari shrugged, a knowing captivating stare bore into his eyes. It was strange, like she was exchanging some sacred secret with him. "Take charge."

Take charge. Naruto thought about it for a second, thought about how much he would love to see Sasuke squirming around on the altar with a displeased look on his face at the colors. "I'd love that." Naruto nodded, smiling. "Lets do it."

"Alright!" Temari jumped into action, waving for Deidara to follow her, "Let's look for an orange ribbon or something."

"I like her." Deidara whispered in his ear before following her in the room. The girls and Naruto stared at each other uncomfortably for a minute before the one called Hinata cleared her throat.

"Um, Hi." she waved at him with a small nervous smile, "I'm Hinata, we met at the high school reunion, In the bathroom."

"Really?" Naruto nodded his head slowly, trying to fumble through his memory for her presence anywhere, he got nothing. "Well, it's nice to meet you again."

"Yeah." she nodded her head, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. "I hope you don't mind, Temari just decided to bring me all of a sudden. My husband is friends with her fiancé..."

She was a strange girl, Naruto decided as he watched her nervously look around at the other girls. Strange but nice.

When Temari came back, she was carrying a slightly bigger dress that "flared" at the hips instead of the bottom, with sleeves and a bright orange ribbon wrapped around the waist.

"What do you think?" Temari addressed the small party. "It's somewhat traditional, trendy, pretty, and better yet, expensive. I bet Sasuke will approve."

"Let's see it on." Ino suggested with a nervous looking smile. Naruto sighed and followed Deidara into the back room, he was surprised when he heard the door click shut and hands pulled at his face, tugging at his cheeks.

"Wow, it's hard to believe you're really a man." Temari sighed, smiling at Konan and Deidara, "You guys do one hell of a job."

"We've decided to keep her a secret from Itachi." Konan informed him as she helped him out of the gown. "In exchange, she is going to plan your wedding so that we don't have to."

"Wha-What about your wedding?" Naruto stuttered out in shock.

Temari shrugged with a smile tugging at her lips, "I told Shikamaru to handle it, he knows what I like and if he doesn't, well, he's going to have a hard time in our marriage then."

"That's rough." Deidara shook his head in awe as he helped Naruto into the second dress. "Why have I not met you before?"

"Probably because I'm considered a major threat to the Uchiha family." Temari sighed, throwing her hand in the air dismissively, "They're merging anyway, I don't see what the big deal is. But then again I've made a point of being independent."

"I like that." Konan caught all of their attention, she was staring at Naruto with a smirk pressed on her face, "It's the best choice."

"Thanks?" Naruto answered uncertainly as he examined what he could see of himself, he had to agree it wasn't bad looking.

"Let's show the girls." Temari ordered, shoving Naruto toward the door and pushing him into the field of criticizing female eyes.

"I knew it!" Ino clapped her hands," It looks so much better now that you're wearing it."

"You didn't know anything pig." he heard Sakura grumbled, satisfied that she hadn't said anything.

"I think you look wonderful, I like the material." Hinata smiled at him, running a hand through her hair.

"Well, it's a winner!" Temari proclaimed looking at a small thin golden watch wrapped around her wrist, "Now that we have extra time, we can do bridesmaids dresses, accessories, decor, the bachelorette party..."

The whole party grumbled as she continued listing countless things.

But Naruto had to admit, she made it a little easier to breathe.

**Hey! So I got a friend to update this for me! Sorry for any mistakes, I wrote it all in my stupid phone :P **  
**Review!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17: The Whirl**

"You're in the way."

Naruto turned his head away from the enchanting view that could only be found at Hoza Park. Sasuke glared down at the blonde, taking in the abandoned fish net tangled at his side and the way his bare feet were swarming in the lake water. He ignored the fish that flipped through the air, and the sun calling goodbye through a hole in the colored clouds. He ignored sound of playful laughed coming from the children on the other side, and the flowing swoosh of water colliding against the piers.

Sasuke Uchiga ignored everything that made Hoza Park enchanting, there was only the blonde.

"I was here first, this pier doesn't have your name on it." Blue eyes glared at him, in the corner he could just barely make out what might by the sun, trying to beg for a wave of his attention. Sasuke wordlessly pointed at the wood beside Naruto, a smirk squirming on his face. "oh..."

Sasuke's name was etched there, a remnant of Itachi and him erasing time at an unwanted family get away. So tiny it would go unnoticed by anyone and yet just big and detailed enough to leave a viewer impressed.

It was him in essence.

"Whatever." The blonde growled, pulling his feet out of the water. Sasuke watched him wobble, hoping for an instant that the boy would just fall over and get out of his way in a far more entertaining fashion. But instead, he was ambushed as the blonde gathered himself only to trip on the net he had forgotten.

Colliding right into Sasuke.

The pain on his back and head was fleeting, made only more sufferable by the weight above him. His eyes fluttered open, glaring into shocked blue waters.

And for the first time he did see the enchanting view of Hoza park, however fleeting.

But he still couldn't ignore the past.

* * *

"Ah!" Naruto shot up, sending his only remote soaring through the air. He groaned, rubbing his eyes, what the hell was he just remembering?

Naruto opened his eyes again to find the remote staring at him, he took it and looked up at a very curious Kakashi. "Just whose name was written on that pier Naruto? I sincerely doubt bastard is their real name."

"Shut-up!" Naruto growled, planting his feet on the floor. Kakashi smirked above him, watching him head for the kitchen.

A paper bag that from the aroma coming off of it, obviously contained a very fattening amount of cheeseburgers and fries called his name. Naruto opened it, unwrapping one of the burgers and allowing the wonderful scent to fill his nostrils before he bit into it's sweet deliciousness.

And he didn't even like cheeseburgers.

"Naruto!" called Deidara's voice, muffled through the beer room door. It was no time at all before his moody blonde head poked out from the room to glare at Naruto in the kitchen. "You better eat all of that. Sasuke will notice a buff bride you know?"

Kakashi, who was once again lounging on the couch, snorted and in his most monotone voice sang, "Sasuke and Naruto K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

"What?!" Deidara roared, glaring at Naruto who was doubled over and chocking on his burger. "You kissed Sasuke? When?"

Deidara ignored Naruto's waving hands of hell no as Kakashi slammed his book shut and very plainly replied, "On a pier near a lake apparently."

"You haven't been near a lake recently?" Deidara questioned, taking a seat on the couch next to Kakashi. "How much did you drink at that bachelorette party?"

A vague memory of Sakura and Ino screaming "SHOTS!" while clinging glasses of pretty looking alcohol together entered his head for a brief moment before fluttering away in a whirl wind of other crap he didn't recall, "I don't know."

"That means too much, explains his erotic dream." Kakashi and Deidara chuckled together for a brief moment. Naruto opened his mouth, instantly snapping it shut upon the realiziation that correcting them and admitting the whole thing was actually a memory was probably not the answer for getting the two to leave him alone.

"Naruto wants to kiss his husband~!" Deidara chanted, Kakashi smirked beside him and Naruto glared.

"Don't you guys have anything better to do?" He sighed, reluctantly plopping on a seat beside Kakashi.

"I'm hiding from the cops." Deidara stated with a shrug.

"Was that bank job you?" Kakashi rose an eyebrow as Deidara nodded. The white haired man shook his head and sighed into his book, "I'm just hiding from Sasuke. Little brat is overrun with nervous and he's driving me crazy."

"What about?" Naruto couldn't imagine Sasuke being nervous about anything, the thought both excited and worried him.

"Concerned about your husband? How sweet." Naruto glared as the two men bursted with laughter and flipped on the TV. He could take a hint these days, it was just another way of them saying Sasuke was none of his business.

Naruto wasn't sure if he was okay with that anymore.

And worse, he wasn't sure why.

**I don't feel good, its been a crazy time guys! Ch 18 coming soon!**  
**Review!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18: The Rehersal**

"And then you and Miss. Naruko here will stand side by side while I give the vows." This was boring, he knew that he should be more nervous, but honestly Naruto was just willing to get it all over with by now. Especially with this squeaky little man standing in front of him that looked suspiciously like one of his body guards.

One wink from Itachi told him that hunch was correct.

Would this wedding even be real? Sasuke shivered beside him slightly, like someone just ran a finger down his spine and it wasn't the clenching of raw nervous ripping at his mind and tearing away at the shreds of his sanity.

Yeah, that's Sasuke.

Naruto rolled his eyes, subtly bumping his elbow on the Uchiha and giving him a reassuring nod. All he received in thanks was Sasuke clearing his throat lightly and tugging on his cuffs.

He was still mad about the decor then.

"That's all! See you tomorrow everyone!" the guy announced with a bright smile as he waved them all away. Now there was supposed to be some kind of dinner at Sasuke's big ass house, the thought of dealing with another party tortured him.

"You coming Naruko?!" called Temari with a wave. Shikamaru stood beside her with a frown on his face, just an octave away from yelling into the phone glued to his ear as he went into a very overwhelming analysis of colors to the poor sap on the other side.

It was Naruto's intention to run off into the sunset but a firm grip on his elbow told him the ropes weren't quite untied yet. "I'll take her."

Temari didn't hide her surprise as she dragged Shikamaru out of the church, he noticed she threw a look behind her but Sasuke wasn't going to say anything with a crowd still exiting.

They made it all the way into the car before Sasuke started in, "Orange and blue? Those are our wedding colors?"

"Yes." Naruto crossed his arms, he wasn't about to lose their first fight...well, at least their first fake couple one.

"Why would you pick that?" Sasuke shook his head, glaring at Naruko's indifference. "Do you realize that the things you choose effect me?"

"What am I supposed to do?" Naruto nearly roared back, biting down on his lips, "Ask you? This is my wedding. I took charge."

"You took charge?" Sasuke clutched the steering wheel and took a deep breathe before turning almost fully in his seat to face Naruto. "Look at me."

Naruto reluctantly complied, refusing to look away from the angry dark eyes that greeted him. "What?"

"You." Sasuke said very slowly in that stupid deep voice he always did when they were kids and he was mocking Naruto. "Will never be in charge, not in this marriage. I'm the man, end of story."

He couldn't do it.

Naruto snorted, unbuckling his seatbelt and stepping out the car. He barely managed to snatch up the bag Deidara forced him to carry earlier before slamming the car door behind him. Six steps down the sidewalk and he could hear Sasuke's feet briskly following behind.

"Naruko!" there it was, the little bastard was finally yelling, completely unware of several things. One, that there we two men in this relationship. Two, Temari taught him several interesting things about winning a fight. And three, this bra they stuffed him in was fucking itchy.

Seriously, it's driving him nuts.

Naruto reserved the itching insanity for the most powerful weapon he was taught women had, the angry walk away silent treatment.

Long name, but it's all he could think to call it.

"Naruko!" Sasuke roared more forcefully this time, increasing his pace. Naruto mentally groaned at the realization he would be forced to shove his feet in tubs of ice later because of the stupid heels. "Naruko stop!"

Naruto halted, not because Sasuke said to but because his freaking heel snapped and caused him to literally stumble out of his shoes. Without any other option, Naruto spun around to face Sasuke.

Only he spun just a tad to fast.

He watched in horror as the bag swung off his arm, soared through the air, and smashed itself against Sasuke's face. "Ah!"

Naruto walked up, unsure of what to do as Sasuke clutched his face and huntched over, "Uh-Are you okay?"

"No!" Sasuke sort of roared, kicking the bag at his feet away as he released his face, revealing a bloody nose. "What's in there?"

Naruto looked down at the bag and shrugged, now wondering what the hell Deidara did. "Just, the usual, do you have any napkins in your car?"

"Yeah." Sasuke nodded as they both walked back to the car, Naruto watched Sasuke dig up a napkin and hold it to his face as he attempted to look seriously stern at him.

It only made him laugh.

"This is not funny, why do I always have to tell you that?" Sasuke glared. Naruto glared back, puffing out his cheeks and looking away. He forgot he was supposed to be mad, Temari would be heartbroken if he lost this tiff. "Don't be mad."

Did Sasuke, King of the Tantrums, really just tell him that?

"Naruko, don't be mad." Sasuke tried again, this was interesting to Naruto. What did Sasuke care if he was mad about when he was mad himself? It didn't make any sense. "I bought a new house."

"What?" Naruto looked at him standing there in all his bloody tissue glory with a gaping mouth and shocked eyes. For a second he almost slipped with his voice.

"It was supposed to be a surprise. I was informed that you don't like my house, so I bought a new one." In that moment Sasuke looked more like a little kid who just broke a vase and was trying to blame the maid to Naruto then the powerful annoying man that he really was.

And that's how he figured out that Sasuke wasn't really mad about decor, he didn't care what anyone thought of him and most importantly, he wasn't really mad.

He was nervous, scared even, and didn't know how to handle it. His only solution was to take it out on Naruko, the only one who he could hash it out with somewhat evenly.

Because Naruko was his almost wife, and married people did that sometimes.

Well, anyway that's about as far as Naruto got in his though process before he ran back out on the sidewalk, scooped the heels off the ground, and rushed back to Sasuke. He held the heels out and threw his hands into the air. "Let's go see the house!"

A shoe escaped his grasp, the resounding crash of a window echoed throughout the parking lot.

Oops.

* * *

"You guys are late to your own party!" called a way to familiar voice the second Sasuke and him stepped through the front door. Kiba stood in the medium sized cozy living room, laughing with the rest of the group around him.

What the hell was he doing here?

"This is Kiba, I hope you don't mind, he's my husband." Hinata smiled at him sweetly. How could he say the words he really wanted to at that pure mask of innocence?

"it's okay." Naruto smiled, squirming in the new heels he scrounged up at the department store. "My shoes broke."

"Really?" Temari smirked at him, bumping Shikamaru, who rolled his eyes and pressed the phone closer to his ear. No one else noticed, but Temari told him a story about throwing her shoes in Shikamaru's window once because he wouldn't pick up the phone.

And now he's never without it these days.

"We like the new house." Ino commented flipping her hair, Naruto wondered why she did that all the time? "It's cozy, and still big enough for entertaining."  
She was right, the house was more cozy. It had the same close knit feel of his apartment, except with more space of course, and the walls were painted red, brown, with dark wood floors and he noticed some dark orange thrown in at some places in the room.

It kind of reminded him of the fall, he wasnt really sure about decrative house crap but it was an improvement that was for sure.

Sasuke came into view, and for a moment Naruto just stated back into that stone nervous looking face. Sasuke actually wanted to know if he liked it, and Naruto didn't believe for a second that Sasuke himself liked it, so there it was.

Sasuke was trying.

Naruto flashed his brightest smile to the crowd, "I like it too."

"Good!" Temari sighed, leading the way toward the back of the house, "Let's eat!"

* * *

"How was it?" Naruto jumped as he entered his apartment. Deidara and Konan were standing in front of him looking intensely worried about something.

"Uh-okay?" Naruto questioned, stepping out of his shoes. They both sighed in relief, leaning against the back of the couch. "Why?"

"There is a problem." Deidara answered reluctantly, his eyes flashed, "Where is the purse?!"

"Oh, I lost it." Naruto sighed, pulling off his wig. He was going to hear it now.

"What the hell?!" Deidara fumed, "I put a very expensive and hard to come by plate of metal in there! What if you were kidnapped and raped?!"

"Who cares get to the point! What problem is there?" Naruto snapped.

Konan frowned at Deidara and then in her usual stoic fashion, addressed the situation. "Sasuke likes you."

What?

**I've ended up having to add a second chapter because this one wasnt panning out. I'm not feeling well so I had a hard time writing this.**  
**Btw, Hinata was the chick in the bathroom who stuttered a lot.**  
**Review~~! Thanks!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19: The Problem**

"This seat is taken."

Naruto glared at the foot casually resting on the chair in front of him, his chair, his assigned seat. "You bet your ass it's taken, by me, because that's my seat asshole."

"It is his seat." mumbled the long forgotten Kiba, asshole number two at the point. Naruto turned his glare on Kiba, who responded with a glare of his own, crossed his arms, and sat back in his chair.

"I don't care." answered the asshole, staringat him hard. Naruto had to admit, the look made him squirm, it was different from a glare. At least with a glare, the emotion was clear, this was something...different, "I don't care about you. And I don't care about your existence."

Naruto glared harder at the raven in front of him. He couldn't think of him as Sasuke, for some reason, just not right then. It felt...like a different person.

It was a different person.

* * *

"I don't want to go." Naruto stared at the cream walls in front of him, his back rested against the hard wood surface of his bathroom cabinets.

"Naruto!" Deidara pounded the door just feet away, "This is crazy, you're getting married in four hours! We don't have time for this!"

"Just break down the door." Kakashi's voice chimed in, their chatter faded away as Naruto drowned in the memory of Sasuke's face that day.

The way he sneered those words, I don't care about you, like it was something plainly obvious.

Oh that's right, it was plainly obvious. Especially at the time, so it was nothing but his own stupidity that made him feel...lessened by the words.

The door was crashed open, sending a flustered looking Deidara stumbling into the room. Konan and Kakashi stood at the doorway looking displeased at him.

"Naruto!" Deidara started in with a growl, gripping his shoulders and picking him up so that he wavered on his feet. "This is ridiculous! So Sasuke likes Naruko, it's not that big of a deal. Just suffer through a month of it and the whole thing will pass, that's Itachi's advice and I trust him! Now we are going to that wedding now, so get in the damn dress and lets go!"

Naruto just stood there, in his half done make-up, wig, and loosely fitting clothes. He frowned at Deidara, shaking his head. "I know, I know I'm just nervous."

What he couldn't say was, that he knew Sasuke loved Naruko and not him.

And that, was the real problem.

**Okay! So I'm getting my laptop next week, but I won't have Internet until the week after that, so idk how updates will be. BUT! I shall keep writing!**


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